Didn't You Get the Memo?
by TamIsMyFather
Summary: An epistolary fanfiction featuring a series of memos that covers the entire span of Dissidia and chronicles the resulting hilarity.
1. Chapter 1

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Welcome back

I would like to thank all of you for continuing to participate in this war. Your efforts have been greatly appreciated, and I know that with your continued presence we _will_ find the crystals and defeat Chaos once and for all.

In order to facilitate you on your journeys, I wanted to remind you of this message board so that, should you need any assistance, you may communicate with each other. Please do not abuse it.

Cosmos

P.S., please be aware that amnesia is a normal side effect of battling the forces of Chaos, and is nothing to be alarmed about.

* * *

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This tale will follow the story progression as presented in the original Dissidia Final Fantasy, and can be enjoyed with minimal knowledge of the other Final Fantasy games. However, all of the first ten Final Fantasy games will be referenced heavily. Final Fantasy II will be outright spoiled.**


	2. Chapter 2

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** ARE WE STILL DOING THIS?

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN ME AROUND THE SIXTH CYCLE ALREADY. COME ON, BABY, WHY YOU GOTTA BE THIS WAY? IT WAS JUST THE ONE TIME! SHE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** So there

Oh, I'm so glad. All is forgiven. So you'll understand that it "doesn't mean anything" when I fool around with my sexy harem before getting back to you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** WHATEVER

YEAH, GOOD LUCK GETTING ANY FROM THAT GROUP OF LOSERS. AND I'VE GOT QUITE A FEW SEXY LADIES ON MY SIDE, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Challenge accepted

I'll show you how it's done.


	3. Chapter 3

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Important Message

My warriors, I wish to inform you that a grand reward awaits the first to retrieve his crystal. Please feel free to contact me if you need any "encouragement."

Cosmos

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** As fast as possible

I will find my crystal posthaste, my lady! Nothing shall stop me from rushing to your side when I have completed the task you have so graciously assigned to me.

And may I mention that you look lovely today?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Thanks

That's very sweet of you, Warrior of Light.

Now go find that crystal.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Formalities

You needn't call me by my title, goddess. It is far too formal for we who are so close, and have shared so much.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Um

Well what else am I supposed to call you?


	4. Chapter 4

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Come on, guys

You're all pronouncing my name wrong! It's not funny!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Oh real funny, dad

Firion said _you_ told him to pronounce my name like that. I hate you so much!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Oh real funny, dad

Ain't that how it's supposed to be pronounced? I'm your dad, I think I would know.


	5. Chapter 5

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Chaos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** KEEP IT UP

YOU'RE ALL DOING GREAT. JUST KEEP DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU'RE DOING AND STOP COSMOS FROM DOING WHATEVER IT IS SHE'S DOING, AND WE'LL DEFINITELY SHOW HER WHO'S THE BOSS AROUND HERE.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** THANKS

HEY, THANKS FOR THE BACKRUB. IT FELT GREAT.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Plans

Please come to my office. I have some tactical plans I wish to discuss.

Also, I think our warriors would benefit from a more direct style of leadership. Perhaps I could make a few suggestions as to how we might accomplish this?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** WELCOME

I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU FEEL UNWELCOME IN THIS GROUP. LET ME DO WHATEVER I CAN TO FIX THAT. PLEASE COME SEE ME IN MY OFFICE SO I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL AS WELCOME AND INCLUDED AS POSSIBLE.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** OH MAN

THAT KUJA CHICK IS HOT.


	6. Chapter 6

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Crystals

Whatever happens, you don't need to worry. I'm right here by your side.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Crystals

Thanks. I feel so much braver when you're around. But secretly… I'm a little scared. I can't help but feel like something terrible is going to happen.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Don't worry

I'll keep you safe. As long as you're with me, you don't have to be scared of anything.


	7. Chapter 7

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** No one caught you?

Did you get the key to Cosmos's office?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Professional thief, remember?

Easy-peasy!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Great!

Let me know when we're going to put the plan into action.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** No worries

Just follow my lead and everything will go smooth.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Follow your lead?

Professional mimic, remember? I just hope you _have_ a plan.


	8. Chapter 8

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** So much disorder

…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Keep up the good work

You're an inspiration to us all, Cloud. Don't let the darkness frighten you from your true path. We're right here beside you, through thick and thin.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Cloud

We really need to get rid of Cloud. His constant moping is tearing our group apart.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** I mean it

That's not how my name is pronounced!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Are you sure?

I mean, Jecht was the one who told me, so I told everyone else. He's your dad, Tidus; I think he would know.


	9. Chapter 9

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** An offer you can't refuse

I've got a proposition for you, Your Darkliness. Come meet me at the usual spot.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Re: An offer you can't refuse

We have already told you: we don't date clowns.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** The term is "harlequin"

I'm after a different girl, thank you very much.

But hey, if you're interested…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Re: The term is "harlequin"

A different girl? The young witch who serves Cosmos, perhaps? We are intrigued.

We agree to your meeting.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** I'll be waiting

It's a date!

Don't get any ideas, though. I don't care much for clouds. Or snakes. Or you.

That Kuja chick, though? She's kinda hot!


	10. Chapter 10

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Cloud Strife, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Nice moves!

You've got to show me how you wield that sword of yours. I'm impressed.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Cloud Strife, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Thanks!

You're not so bad out there yourself! I bet I could learn a thing or two from you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus and Firion

I am not sharing a tent with those two tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Progress Report

Please let me know if you've made any significant progress on your crystals. And I'd be happy to offer "encouragement" to anyone who wants to stop by.

Cosmos

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** We need a distraction

The door is unlocked, but she's still in there! I need you to distract her.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: We need a distraction

I'm on it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Progress

Wow! You've certainly made a _lot_ of progress!


	12. Chapter 12

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Your advice

Thanks for the advice, Cloud. It would never have occurred to me to strike when they're off-guard unless you had told me. I hope you can give me some more sage advice in the future.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Advice

…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Cloud

Can you believe him? He's a terrible fighter, and his company is atrocious; he honestly has nothing to contribute to the group. The sooner we are rid of him, the better.


	13. Chapter 13

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** What happened?

You just disappeared! I got in her office and got the goods, but I can't find you. Where'd you go?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: What happened?

Apparently I've made a _lot_ of progress.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Re: What happened?

DETAILS. NOW.


	14. Chapter 14

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Not so tough, now

I admit, you were a challenging opponent. But now you are dead, and I shall reap my reward, the joys of which you will never know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Garland

Garland has been defeated, my lady! The knave will trouble you no more.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Garland

Great. How 'bout that crystal, Warrior Guy? How's that coming along?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Crystals

It shan't be long now.

And I daresay you can come up with a better name than that.


	15. Chapter 15

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion, Cloud Strife

**Re:** My name

You've been pronouncing it wrong. You and everybody. Why do you guys keep doing this?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: My name

That's how Jecht said it was pronounced.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** No!

Well, it's not. My old man is wrong.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: No!

Tidus, he's your father. I think he would know.


	16. Chapter 16

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Loot

None of this loot is all that interesting.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Loot

Sorry. I guess I thought Cosmos would keep some better items stashed in her office. Or at least a pair of panties.

We could always try again. But next time, _I_ want to be the distraction.


	17. Chapter 17

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Your sword

That thing looks awfully heavy.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** It's a memento

…It's not.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: It's a memento

I don't believe you. Let me try carrying it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** …

No.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Come on

Please?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Pleeease?

Pretty please?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Pretty pretty please?

Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Pretty please times infinity?

I'll be your friend.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Pretty please times infinity?

Not interested.


	18. Chapter 18

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** I think you should know

You're so brave, and I'm really glad you're here.

But I think you've got some sort of treasure addiction.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Treasure

I'm only trying to help you, Terra. I… I'd do anything for you, you know.

You mean a lot to me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Treasure

You mean a lot to me, too. You're the best friend I could ever ask for.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Re: Treasure

Oh. Right. Friend. Um.

Thanks.


	19. Chapter 19

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Walking pot

Did that pot just start following you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**cc:** Tidus, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Walking pot

I think it wants an elixir.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Magic pot

Be careful with that thing! They seem nice at first, but then they explode on you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus

Did someone let him eat the Gysahl greens again?


	20. Chapter 20

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Rest

If you need to rest, feel free to let us know. Whatever you need, day or night, we're here for you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion, Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Cloud

He is unbelievably thick. Can't he take a hint?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Your sword

That sword of yours looks really heavy.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** About your sword

Can I hold it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: About your sword

Go ask Tidus.


	21. Chapter 21

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Jackpot!

I found something! I guess Cosmos took some notes when she was scouting us, and there are photos! I'm sending them to you now. Check out Squall when he was little!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Jackpot!

Whoa! This is blackmail gold!

Oh. WOW. Who is _that_ girl?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Turn around

There's a monster behind you guys.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Pretty girl

I dunno. Says she's from Cloud's world.

She looks kinda like Cloud, too. Maybe he has a sister?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Pretty girl

Uh… I think that _is_ Cloud.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Right behind you

It's getting kind of close. Just thought you should know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** I don't think so

Why would he wear a dress? Why would he possibly want to look like a girl?

He did a great job of it, though.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Oh my stars and comets

HE'S A SHE!


	22. Chapter 22

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Why didn't I realize?

Cloud is a _girl._ And she's been hiding it from us all this time.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** What

No way.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Trust me

Trust me, this isn't the first time I've seen a girl try to pass herself off as a boy. She's clearly just worried that with all these men around, we wouldn't take her seriously, so she dressed up as a guy.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Trust me

What kind of messed up world do you come from?

But… I dunno. How sure are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Hello?

Are you guys even paying attention? Why are you messaging each other when you're twenty feet away from each other anyway?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Re: Trust me

Trust me, there's no way Cloud's a guy. Have you ever seen a man who could look this pretty?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Yes, actually

You'd be surprised.


	23. Chapter 23

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Fine, be that way

Whatever, man. I have experience with ladies like this. It's given me a kind of sixth sense when it comes to them.

Why else would I find Cloud so attractive?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Fine, be that way

I don't think you want me to answer that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Whatever

Fine. I'll take care of the monster.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** You snooze, you lose

You don't have to believe me. I'll prove it you.

And then Miss Cloud will be all mine.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** FLYING FAT CHOCOBOS

THERE'S A MONSTER BEHIND YOU!


	24. Chapter 24

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** "Blitzball"

I cannot believe that is a real sport.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: "Blitzball"

What's so hard to believe about it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Uhh

The part where it's underwater? No one can hold their breath that long.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Uhh

I can hold my breath in my sleep!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Yeah right

Prove it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Yeah right

What do I get if I do?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Hmm

I could give you my flower.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Hmm

Um, I'm not really into that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Just kidding

I wouldn't give my rose away to just anyone.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Just kidding

Good. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But good.


	25. Chapter 25

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Thanks!

Thanks for your help back there! You sure you don't want to come with us?

I guarantee you there's an epic adventure in store for us!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**cc:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** EPIC

We're sure to find lots of treasure along the way!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: EPIC

I don't care about treasure.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** What about

What about girls? We've uncovered a hidden beauty or two.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: What about

I don't care about girls either.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Oh

Well if _that's_ the case…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Oh

I'm not gay.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Suuure

It's cool. I'm pretty open-minded, and I think Bartz is pretty confused, so…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Denial

You don't know what you're denying yourself, Squall. You should've come with us! Just us guys, on an awesome, manly adventure!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Denial

I'M NOT GAY!


	26. Chapter 26

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** A boy

You seem a smart plant, appreciative of the unbeauty of the Void (though yours is a false one, ours is much better). As such, we have a proposition for you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: A boy

What would you have of me? A terrifying display, perhaps, to demonstrate to all the inevitable dominance of the Void we both serve? (And I would like to add that _yours_ is the false one, and mine was there first.)

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Nothing so grand

We wish you to pay a visit to one who has been plaguing us for some time now. He is of little consequence at the moment, but he may yet prove himself a not adorable nuisance. You need only assess his potential to… distract us.

(And our Void is better, times infinity.)


	27. Chapter 27

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Cloud

Sweet Cosmos, am I the only one willing to admit it? Cloud's a girl, I swear! It is perfectly acceptable to have a crush on her!

I cannot be the only guy who feels this way.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Good to see you

I've been watching you, Cloud.

I will _always_ be watching.


	28. Chapter 28

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey, Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Man to man

Cloud and I are going head to head! Just thought you guys might like to watch.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Cecil Harvey, Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Man to man

Awesome! Can't wait to see it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**cc:** Tidus, Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Man to man

You and Cloud are having a wrestling match?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus, Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Re: Man to man

What? No, but that does sound like fun.

We should have a wrestling match later!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion, Cloud Strife

**Re:** Wrestling

I'd watch that.

But not right now. I like watching Firion use his weapons.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Wrestling

I'll bet you do.


	29. Chapter 29

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**cc:** Cecil Harvey, Tidus

**Re:** I'm waiting

Are we gonna start this or not?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Careful

Watch out if you win, Cloud. Firion might give you his flower.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Careful

Why? He already showed it to me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Careful

I really didn't need to know that.


	30. Chapter 30

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** The Onion Knight

He is indeed a pitiful boy. Of no consequence.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Re: The Onion Knight

We knew you would think that. We certainly don't care for him, or find him endearing.

Feel free to tear him limb from limb, if you so wish.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Re: The Onion Knight

Why bother going to such lengths to harm him? Consider him beneath my notice.

And I don't think he's cute at all. Those big green eyes are overrated.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Cute?

Indeed. So we are agreed that you will leave him to us?

Not that we find him cute, either. We just want to see this done properly.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Cute?

Of course. I certainly don't care. The nothingness of the Void is far superior to whatever charm he possesses.

Because he doesn't. Have any.

I do not find him cute at all.


	31. Chapter 31

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Exdeath

So what did you think about that, huh? I outsmarted that big metal can, no contest!

Some might even say I'm a hero.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Exdeath

Aww, you're cute.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Cute?

Oh, thanks Terra.

I think you're really pretty, you know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Cute?

Haha, stop, you're making me blush.


	32. Chapter 32

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** The girl

Give up already. Your obsession with the girl is beginning to irk me. You should stop spending time with Sephiroth, he's starting to rub off on you.

Leave them be.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** The boy

I don't think he's cute. He didn't affect me in any way at all, and I most certainly didn't feel a twinge where my heart would be if I had one beneath my cold, metal shell of a body.

If I did think he was cute, I would tell you to be careful, and watch out for a certain nihilistic clown. But I won't. Because I don't.


	33. Chapter 33

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Rematch!

I demand a rematch!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**cc:** Tidus, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Rematch!

Not interested.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** My turn

I'm up next, Cloud! And if I win, you have to let me hold your sword.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**cc:** Firion, Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: My turn

I said no.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Firion

He's a rather sore loser, isn't he? Personally, I can't stand him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Firion

Firion seems rather upset about the match. You can have the tent to yourselves tonight if you want to cheer him up later.


	34. Chapter 34

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Dragons

You ever get the feeling there's more to life than what we see?

I know you know what's going on with that dragon I saw.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Dragons

I don't know why you would think that.

Why don't you ask Cloud? Or is his sword too _big_ for you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Oh yeah?

Maybe you should go give Chaos another backrub.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Oh yeah?

Mama's boy.

You should find yourself a woman.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Re: Oh yeah?

Never heard that one before. How original.

And maybe I will. That Kuja chick is kinda hot.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Question for you

What do you know about dragons?


	35. Chapter 35

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** …

Well, thank you for your hospitality. But I'm afraid I must decline your generous "offer."

I'm not into that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo, Sephiroth, Jecht

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Kuja

It has come to my attention that this Kuja lady is extraordinarily beautiful. You gentlemen would be wise to leave her to me.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**cc:** Kefka Palazzo, Jecht

**Re:** Re: Kuja

I believe I saw her first.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor, Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**cc:** Jecht

**Re:** Psssh

You losers can have her.

Though it might be fun to take her for a spin…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor, Sephiroth, Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Lay off

Hey! She's not a piece of meat. You gotta take it slow and treat a girl with respect if you wanna get laid.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth, Kefka Palazzo, Jecht

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Silence

Cease your prattling. The matter is already decided: she will be mine.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell


	36. Chapter 36

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** A modest proposal

When I am master of all I see, I will need an empress to stand by my side. You are flattered, I am sure, to have been selected for this position.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: A modest proposal

I'm not a girl!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Re: A modest proposal

No need to play coy, my dear. This is a very prestigious role you have been offered.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** You and me

Hey, sweet cheeks. How's about you and me get together sometime?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: You and me

I must decline.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** …

I WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.


	37. Chapter 37

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** A shared fate

You can ignore the others. They're no match for me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: A shared fate

I'm sure they're not. I've seen how much shampoo you use.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Haircare

As long as we're talking about it, I'm curious what sort of shampoo _you_ use. Mind if I come over tonight and we can discuss it?

Maybe we could shower _together._

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** No

And I thought you were stalking Cloud.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: No

I'm a man. I have needs he can't fulfill.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Re: No

What… I'M NOT A GIRL!


	38. Chapter 38

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** What's the hold up?

Come on, Kujie-coo! Let's have a little FUN, what do you say?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Oh for the love of

I'M A GUY.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** A sonnet

I get it. You wanna be wooed, is that it? Well, I wrote you this poem:

There once was a world that I blew up  
>(I saw all its love and I threw up!)<br>But when I'm with you  
>I want to die too<br>So I'll be there tonight to pick you up

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: A sonnet

I can't dignify that with a proper rejection.

I mean, that's not even a real sonnet!


	39. Chapter 39

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** A REAL sonnet

I caught that fool Kefka attempting to pilfer my rhyming dictionary, and I imagine he had only one purpose in doing so. Whatever he sent you, I assure you I can do better.

Thy slender grace hath captivated me  
>What can I do? but breathlessly I stare<br>Thine eyes of indigo be all I see  
>Thy soft, pale skin, and feathers in thy hair<p>

Alas, what lady yet can sate mine eyes  
>Now I have seen thy lovely, perfect face?<br>O maiden fair, do not my love despise!  
>But stand with me, united in this place<p>

O come with me, our colors be unfurled!  
>If thou canst hold me captive to my heart<br>We shall make slaves of all who walk this world  
>Forevermore we two shall never part<p>

But join with me against my only foe  
>And we shall conquer all there is to know<p>

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds


	40. Chapter 40

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Really?

You want me to write you a poem?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Really?

No. I really don't.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Playing hard to get, huh?

I assume you've studied the classic tanka form:

Rising through the pines  
>I waited all night to see<br>Your face in the moon.  
>Worthless autumn leaves swirl in<br>The cold wind that chills my heart.


	41. Chapter 41

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** JEALOUS?

THAT KUJA CHICK IS SO MUCH HOTTER THAN YOU.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME

I HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE THAT YOU'RE A FAN OF POETRY. ALLOW ME TO PRESENT MY HUMBLE SUBMISSION.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME

Please don't.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** HERE'S A PIECE I'VE BEEN WORKING ON

OH LITTLE LADYBUG  
>WHY DO YOU FLY AWAY<br>FROM ME?  
>I NEVER MEANT TO HURT<br>YOU  
>OR ME<br>SHE MEANT NOTHING  
>NOTHING AT ALL<br>AND NOW I MOPE  
>IN NOTHING<br>CRY CRYSTAL TEARS  
>OF NOTHING<p>

YOU GAVE ME LIFE  
>YOU GAVE ME ORDER<br>WITHOUT YOU LIFE IS CHAOS  
>BUT WITH<br>YOU  
>AND ME<br>WE ARE HARMONY  
>WE USED TO LIVE<br>IN HARMONY  
>SLEEP AT NIGHT<br>HARMONIOUS

BABY  
>COME BACK<br>I LOVE YOU


	42. Chapter 42

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Let me guess

Those morons have been writing you poetry.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Let me guess

You have no idea.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Need a drink?

You wanna grab a beer later?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Need a drink?

YES. Yes, please. I need to get away from these guys. They just won't listen to me!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Chaos

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Tonight

Leave me alone. I'm spending tonight with Jecht. Anyone who continues pestering me gets a Flare Star to the face.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor, Kefka Palazzo, Sephiroth

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Told ya

Suckers.


	43. Chapter 43

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Kuja

Do you think maybe I should have tried flowers?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kefka

**Re:** Re: Kuja

I'll bet she likes roses. Chicks like her love that crap.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Re: Kuja

Where in the Promised Land will I find a rose?


	44. Chapter 44

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Good luck

Good luck, Cloud! We're rooting for you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Be safe

I hope you find the answer you're looking for. Let me know when you do.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Farewell

Best of luck, Cloud. We're counting on you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion, Cecil Harvey, Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Thanks

Thanks, guys. I'll be back as soon as I can.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion, Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Finally

Can't believe it took that long to get rid of him.


	45. Chapter 45

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** How are you?

Hey, I just wanted to know how you were doing today. Any luck finding your crystal?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: How are you?

I'm fine. Just set out on my own, actually.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Good

That's good.

Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right? I'm real good at keeping secrets.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** You know

You know, I once knew a girl who dressed up as a pirate and passed herself off as a guy. I think she was just insecure, but I know that pretending to be someone she wasn't helped her overcome that, at least until she was ready to face her true self.

So if you've been hiding who you are, Cloud, it's okay. I'll wait for you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Huh?

That's… oddly insightful.

Unless you're saying I should dress up as a girl.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Huh?

Only if it's what makes you happy.

But whatever you decide about who you are, I believe in you, Cloud. I just wanted you to know that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Re: Huh?

…Thanks, I guess. But I'm still searching.


	46. Chapter 46

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Cloud is a girl

I was right. She totally just confirmed it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Cloud is a girl

We're racing for our _crystals_, not for your pathetic dream of a woman.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Re: Cloud is a girl

You're pathetic!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Re: Re: Cloud is a girl

Your face is pathetic!


	47. Chapter 47

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Dragons

Can you slay a dragon? What say you, Warrior of Light?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Dragons

Cease your prattling and fight me!

And can none of you think of a better name than that?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Dragons

Did someone mention dragons?


	48. Chapter 48

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Wild rose

Have you seen my rose? I can't find it anywhere!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Wild rose

No. I thought you gave it to Cloud.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Re: Wild rose

Why would I do that? I'm not going to share.


	49. Chapter 49

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Emergency

I need help, guys, I've lost my flower.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Emergency

Congratulations!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Oh no!

What did it look like?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Emergency

Have you asked Tidus?


	50. Chapter 50

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** Roses

I've thought of a wonderful present for you. Shall I give you this wild rose?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Wild rose

That bastard Sephiroth stole my flower!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Wild rose

Oh, ouch man. I've seen him, his sword is really long.

Do you want to talk about it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Sephiroth stole it?

Well, that explains a lot.


	51. Chapter 51

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Sephiroth

I'm going after him! Don't try to stop me!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** No!

Cecil, try to stop him!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: No!

Ow.

Why do I listen to you?


	52. Chapter 52

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Terra?

Terra? Where are you? Please come back.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** …

I never wanted anything bad to happen to you.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Please

I'm sorry.


	53. Chapter 53

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** The girl

We are most pleased with her powers. She fought the young Onion Knight most admirably.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: The girl

Excellent.

Regarding the boy… Was he hurt? Not that I care, of course. I am simply curious. About the girl's powers.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** The boy

No, he lives. We certainly did not feel our heart moved by his downcast expression.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: The boy

I am glad. It would be most unfortunate if he were harmed.

Because it would be bad for controlling the girl, probably.

Not because he is cute.


	54. Chapter 54

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Thanks

Thanks for the pep talk.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** When?

What pep talk?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Just now

The one you just gave me. It really helped.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Just now

Uhh. You're welcome?

…Just how grateful are you? I could give you another one, if you like.


	55. Chapter 55

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Your loss

I'm afraid the position of Empress has been filled.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Last night

I had a great time. We should do it again. What are you doing now?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Last night

I'm busy right now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Oh

Are you stalking your despicable counterpart, Squall?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Oh

I am not _stalking_ him. My plan simply requires that I know everything about him. His likes, his dislikes, his strengths, his weaknesses, his favorite foods, his alcohol tolerance, how light a sleeper he is. That sort of thing.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Call me

Well, let me know when you're free. I can't wait to see you again.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn


	56. Chapter 56

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Cosmos

Why are you so keen to get rid of Cosmos, anyway?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Cosmos

She distracts my master from the true path.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Re: Cosmos

Oh, you've got it bad, don't you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Don't patronize me

You're one to talk.

How long have you been watching that boy?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Oh please

There is nothing untoward about monitoring his movements.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Oh please

So I'm sure there is a good reason you've drawn little hearts all over that photo you keep in your dress.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** What?

How did you know about that?


	57. Chapter 57

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Last night

Thanks for last night. I've never really been able to let loose like that. It was nice of you to stick up for me in front of Chaos, too. He just won't listen to me when I tell him he's not my type.

I'm glad there's _somebody_ who understands. You've made the last week so much easier for me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Last night

Hey, that was no big deal. I just did what any friend who happens to be a super strong, extraordinarily good-looking, world-class athlete would do.

Do you wanna hang out again tonight?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** As friends?

You're not going to write me a poem, are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: As friends?

Roses are red  
>Violets are blue<br>I want a beer  
>Do you want one too?<p>

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Re: As friends?

It's a date!


	58. Chapter 58

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** A warning

I heard about you, you little tramp. Stay away from my man!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: A warning

With pleasure. Let me know when you find one, and I'll steer clear.

Or were you referring to your little boy toy? Because I think he's doing everything he can to stay away from _you_.

And I'm sorry you're so jealous of my good looks, really I am, but if it's so easy for a guy like me to look this fabulous, then maybe one day there'll be hope for a hag like you too. Assuming you don't age any more than you already have, that is.

But then, when you're a sorceress of time, I suppose you have to look the part.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Ha!

My little prima donna, don't you understand? I am the mistress of _time_. I have conquered not only my own world, but time itself. I hold the fabric of creation in my hands. My will is law, my pain is death. My wrath is so great that it rippled backward to a time long before you were born. I am both Past and Future in one incontrovertible Present; I am the Beginning of all.

Age is nothing to me.

I guess the monkey was right. You _are_ a stupid little girl.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Ha!

Wait, what? Zidane said that?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** I happened to overhear him

I believe his exact words were "Fat. Ugly. _Queen._"

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** DEATH

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.


	59. Chapter 59

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** So…

What's with the tail, anyway?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: So…

What's with you being so tall?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Tail

Can I touch your tail?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Tail

Can I touch your hair?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hair

Sure!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Hair

Awesome.


	60. Chapter 60

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** No really

Can I touch your tail?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Wow

Your hair is _so_ soft.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Wow

Thanks.

But you still haven't answered my question.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Re: Wow

Sorry, I just got distracted.

Can I touch it again?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Wait up!

Hey Bartz, where are you going?


	61. Chapter 61

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Need any help?

Word on the street is that you're planning to set a trap for your little monkey friend. Anything I can do to help out?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** That depends

You're not going to sing to me again, are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: That depends

Well, I do know a good ditty about a cactuar who wanted to be a chocobo racer…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Never mind

Don't. Just meet me this afternoon.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Just to be clear

Any chance you'll change your mind about the singing?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Just to be clear

I will have Jecht punch you in the face.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Got it

So no chance of me getting lucky, either?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Got it

Punch. You. In. The. Face.


	62. Chapter 62

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Score!

Guess who's got a date with the lovely Kuja tonight?

IT'S NOT YOU.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Strategy

Sorry to cancel on you, but I'm meeting Kefka for a planning session this afternoon. We can still meet later though, right?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Strategy

Hey, no problem. I gotta do some planning of my own anyhow. Let me know if he gives you any trouble, okay?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Score!

I just wanna make one thing clear: you try anything funny with my girl?

I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.


	63. Chapter 63

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** An urgent matter

I must speak with you. This conflict troubles me, and there are urgent matters I wish to discuss.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: An urgent matter

Certainly. I'll be waiting in my bedroom.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Perhaps not

I can't help but feel that would be inappropriate. Don't you have an office we can use?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Perhaps not

My office isn't safe anymore. It was broken into recently, so I've been using the bedroom for all my meetings.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** …

Very well. But this is only to be a quick discussion. I have little time to waste.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: …

I suppose I can make it "quick."


	64. Chapter 64

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Good luck charm

You know, this lousy feather you gave me isn't so bad.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** See?

What'd I tell you? It's more than a feather; it's a symbol!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: See?

…A symbol of what, exactly?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Isn't it obvious?

It's a symbol of friendship! As long as you're holding it, it'll remind you of the people who care about you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Whatever

You sure it's not broken? It kinda just reminds me of you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Whatever

That's good! That means it's working!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Oh

Well, that's… kind of nice, actually.


	65. Chapter 65

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Wow

I figured your armor was so big for a reason, but WOW!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Wow

Truly, that was not the reason I wished to see you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Re: Wow

Well, if you ever need to discuss any urgent matters again, you know where to find me!


	66. Chapter 66

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Over you

I am so over you. I've found a real man.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** Re: Over you

I'M SURE YOU'RE REAL SATISFIED WITH A GUY WHO ONLY HAS TWO ARMS.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Jealous?

What do you know? Maybe he has as many arms as he wants!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** REALLY?

ARE YOU DATING GILGAMESH?


	67. Chapter 67

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** I quit

I just can't do this anymore. Terra's gone, and I can't find the crystal.

There's just no point.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: I quit

Even in the darkest of times, light can still shine through.

Where are you? I want to talk with you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Onion Knight

Is it really a good idea for me to tag along?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Onion Knight

Don't worry. He probably won't see you.


	68. Chapter 68

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** The Lion

Are you sure this is a good idea?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: The Lion

Trust me! Would I lie to you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Actually

That's a very good point. And with that in mind, I think it's time to abort.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Actually

Too late! Here he comes!


	69. Chapter 69

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** How to win

I can do this. I know how to save Terra.

But I thought you should know that I caught Golbez snooping around. You should be careful, he might try to do something dishonorable to you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Triumph

I can't believe you fell for that! There's no way I would work for you—I'll save Terra with my own strength!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Re: Triumph

We did not "fall" for anything. We were in no way held captive by the close proximity of your cuteness. Because we do not find you cute.

At all.

We will bring you under our sway one way or another!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** The boy

What is happening? Is the boy all right?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** That is

I just wanted to clarify that I do not care about his well-being, or how precious he is. I merely wished to know if you had succeeded in turning him to our side _without_ harming his adorable face.

Because that could be an asset when we have unleashed the Void. No other reason.


	70. Chapter 70

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Hey

How are you guys doing? I was just thinking about you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Hey

We're great! Although Zidane keeps petting my hair. But we're great! How are you? Did you find your crystal yet?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** …

Not yet. I just met a friend of Zidane's though. A woman named Kuja? She seemed pretty angry about something.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Kuja?

You got a hot friend? How come I never heard about this? You got a picture?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Kuja?

It's… complicated.

Thanks for the heads-up, Squall.


	71. Chapter 71

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Bartz

Why are you touching his hair?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Bartz

Oh, I just like annoying him. He wouldn't stop asking about my tail, so I figured it was a good way to distract him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Oh

I guess I just thought…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Jealous?

Thought _what_?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Forget it

It's not important.

So what does his hair feel like?


	72. Chapter 72

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** My rose

You will pay for what you've done! I will defeat you and retrieve my rose!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Your rose?

It's _my_ rose now. Do you really think you can beat me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** It's not yours!

I am a master of weapons. I am a decorated war hero. I have been to _hell_ and survived to face its dark lord.

Are you so sure _you_ can beat _me_?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Sephiroth

Help! I'm going to die!


	73. Chapter 73

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Firion

I will not let you get away with what you've done.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Firion

Who the hell are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** …

A fiend like you does not deserve to speak my name!

Though you are welcome to invent one.


	74. Chapter 74

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Crystal

Hey guyys. Jus wanttd to let u kno that I got my cyrstal.

Im realljt tired rigwhkt now. gonnna go slepp.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** CRYSTALS

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. YOU REALLY ARE ACTUALLY SENDING THEM TO GET THE CRYSTALS? I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED AN EXCUSE TO SLEEP AROUND WITH THEM.

YOU CAN'T BE THAT STUPID. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU'RE THAT STUPID.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: CRYSTALS

I should start keeping track of them before I lose count.

And I suppose I should probably keep track of the crystals too.


	75. Chapter 75

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Are you okay?

Bartz? Bartz! Where did you go?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Ow

That really hurt!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Ow

Tell me what you've done with Bartz, and I won't have to hurt you any more.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Re: Ow

No thanks! It's much more fun to watch you _squirm._


	76. Chapter 76

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** The plan

So the good news is that the fake crystal worked like a charm.

The bad news is that we caught the wrong rat.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: The plan

Please, remind me why I haven't had the pleasure of watching my athletic friend rip you limb from limb?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Re: The plan

Maybe you're just attracted to me. Why bother fighting it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** For the last time

I. Am. A. MAN.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: For the last time

Oh, I get it, you wear the pants around here.

But I guess wearing pants would be pretty weird for you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Grr

I hate clowns.


	77. Chapter 77

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Puppet

I just thought you'd like to know that you're doing exactly as I planned.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Puppet

Shut up!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Like a marionette

I knew you would say that. In fact, I orchestrated it.

Why do you even bother fighting?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Like a marionette

What did you do to Firion? Why did you take his rose?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Forget about them

Why do you care? They don't seem to care about you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** SHUT UP

That's not true.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey, Firion, Tidus

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Guys?

Guys? Are you still there?


	78. Chapter 78

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Last night

I had a wonderful time last night. I was hoping we could maybe do it again? How's tonight for you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Tonight

I think I'm busy. You know, world domination stuff.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Tonight

What's going on, Mateus? Did I do something wrong?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** There

You said my name. You called me "Mateus."

But last night, you called me something _else_.

Signed, MATEUS, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** I don't remember that

…I did?

What did I call you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Hmph

What exactly is your relationship with Squall Leonhart?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award


	79. Chapter 79

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** This is about Squall?

Is that what this is about? You're jealous that I've been spending time with him!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Spending time with him?

You've been _stalking_ him!

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Don't you see?

For _us_! Everything I've done has been for us! If I say a different name in the throes of passion, it's only because you move me so that I forget myself!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Oh please

I don't think this is going to work out.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Just wait

Darling, _listen_. When I'm with you, I feel on top of the world. I feel that our victory has already been achieved, and all our enemies lie dead upon the ground. Making love with you, I envision myself covered in the blood of my nemesis, writhing naked on the ground in primal pleasure; when I whisper his name, it is because I hold it as the ultimate triumph, the final victory on the path to complete domination. Is it any wonder I can find no other word with which to praise you? You, who have lifted me to such heights, and given to me the greatest pleasure ever known, in hell or in heaven?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Darling?

Are you still there?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Darling?

…I've lost my train of thought.

Tell me more about this fantasy of yours.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award


	80. Chapter 80

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** I have to go

Drat. I've got a visitor. We'll have to continue this later.

I'll stop by tonight.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Wait!

I want to hear more!

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Pest

I hope you're happy. You interrupted a very steamy conversation, Warrior Man.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Pest

Can none of you think of a better name than that?


	81. Chapter 81

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Secret

I know something you don't know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Secret

Well, I've known something you'll never know, if you know what I mean. Twice, in fact.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Re: Secret

…No, I don't know what you mean.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Exactly

And you never will.


	82. Chapter 82

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** On my way

I have defeated several of Chaos's warriors already, my lady, including the witch Ultimecia.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: On my way

Good job. You are a fine warrior, you Warrior of Light, you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Re: On my way

I have faith my lady will find a suitable name.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Look

Get that crystal first, and then we'll talk.


	83. Chapter 83

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey, Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I'm back

Sorry for running off like that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** No worries

It's okay. Cecil and I are just glad you're all right.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus

He's lying. He wasn't concerned about you at all.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Your rose

Look, if you need to talk about what Sephiroth did to you… I just want to let you know that I'm here for you. I know it must be hard, losing something you can never get back.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Thanks

Thanks, Tidus. I really appreciate that. But don't worry, I'll get my flower back someday.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Um

I can say from experience that it really doesn't work that way.


	84. Chapter 84

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Kefka

Just wondering if Kefka was giving you any trouble.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Kefka

He tried to grope me. I cast Ultima. I'd say we're even.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Ouch

You think he would know better by now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Ouch

Seriously. I don't know how many times I've told him, and he still doesn't believe me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Re: Ouch

So you're really not interested in him, then?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Ha

I'd say _any other girl_ is more my type.


	85. Chapter 85

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Oh

You like girls? I didn't realize.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Oh

You know, I don't even blame you. Truthfully, I'm used to people making assumptions about me. Doesn't make it easier, but I get by.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Re: Oh

You know what? I'm cool with it. We're friends, and I support you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Ha ha

You're hilarious. But thank you, even so. You've been a true friend to me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Ha ha

I… I just want you to be happy.


	86. Chapter 86

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Slow down

You are truly blessed for your copious energy, Tidus.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus

What is wrong with him? He seems rather energetic lately. Suspiciously so. Do you think maybe he's addicted to the Gysahl greens?


	87. Chapter 87

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Honestly

How many people did you tell to say my name that way? _That's not how it's pronounced!_

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Honestly

Are you sure? That's how I've been saying it your whole life. Why are you trying to change it now?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Honestly

I'm not the one who's changing it!


	88. Chapter 88

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Found you

I'm not your puppet!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Right

Keep telling yourself that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** And you know

I _like_ it when you squirm.


	89. Chapter 89

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Now

I need to see you as soon as possible.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Now

Happy to oblige! Shall we meet in the kitchen, as we did last time? Or would you prefer something more _intimate_?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** I don't have time for this

I know the truth about the crystals.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: I don't have time for this.

…My office. Now.

We can finish up in the bedroom when we're done.


	90. Chapter 90

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Crystal

Wow, I'm so glad I got my crystal. And to think: all I had to do was kick your ass.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Crystal

Don't flatter yourself. You only got it because I wanted you to.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Yeah right

No one likes a sore loser, Sephiroth.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Puppet master

How many times do I have to tell you? You've done exactly as I wished.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Puppet master

Yeah, I'm going to block you now.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Nice try

Do really think I'd let you do that?

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** …

Cloud? Are you still there?


	91. Chapter 91

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Crystal

I got the crystal.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Crystal

I'm so pleased! Let me stop by and reward you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Ugh

Sephiroth wants me to tell you that you ignoring him was all part of his master plan, and there's nothing you can do about it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** There's more

He insists I add, "So there, na na na na na."


	92. Chapter 92

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Blasphemy

You cannot be serious. You cannot hope to overthrow Chaos himself. There's no way you'll succeed.

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Blasphemy

I'm sorry, whose name is "Emperor" and whose name is not?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Re: Blasphemy

From what I hear of Ultimecia, you have quite a variety of names after the lights go out.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Ultimecia

I have but one name. Anything else is her prayer to my greater glory.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Ultimecia

And you actually buy that?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Re: Ultimecia

Well, considering that I am getting laid, and you are not…

Why yes, yes I do.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence


	93. Chapter 93

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Alone

You really shouldn't travel alone. Please, let me accompany you.

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Look

I don't care how dazzling you are. I'm not interested.

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Look

I am not propositioning you.

Let me travel with you; I only wish to help you.

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Re: Look

Not a good idea. You would be way too distracting.


	94. Chapter 94

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Just a heads-up

I think I fell into a trap meant for you. Be careful, okay?

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hello?

Zidane? Are you there?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Great job

First you catch the wrong prey, and then you lose him too! If you screw up this next one…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Great job

Don't worry your pretty little head. You're the one doing the planning this time, remember?


	95. Chapter 95

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hi

Are you there? Zidane won't respond to me, and I'm getting lonely.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Hi

I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Oh, okay

So what are you wearing?


	96. Chapter 96

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** No really

Why didn't you kill that pesky Onion Knight? I don't buy that "let him witness the end" excuse.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: No really

I said what I meant. Let the boy live, for now. He'll be no threat.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Wait a minute

…Are you afraid of him?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Wait a minute

Of course not! He is insignificant, and couldn't inspire fear if he tried. He's far too cute for that. And in no way dear to me.

But how adorable he is has no bearing on how I plan to crush him to oblivion.

Tell me more of this plan of yours. I do hope to destroy _something_ today.


	97. Chapter 97

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Whatever

Was it really necessary to attack me? I almost lost my good luck charm.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Whatever

I had to be sure you were firm in your convictions.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Re: Whatever

It seems to me like you're the one who has trouble trusting others, Mr. Warrior.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Honestly

Is everyone here utterly devoid of creativity when it comes to names?


	98. Chapter 98

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Annoyance

We tire of this waiting. We want to crush her for what she did to us.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Annoyance

Leave my toys alone. And why do you care? I thought you'd be trying to get back at the kid.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Re: Re: Annoyance

He is of no concern to us. It's not that we are moved to admire his cherubic appearance; it is just that leaving him alive pleases us more than the thought of killing him.

We are not sure why.


	99. Chapter 99

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Just checking in

Hey, you seem kind of quiet lately, ever since Golbez showed up. Are you okay?

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Just checking in

I am well, thank you. There is no need for you to worry.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus

Wow, when did Tidus get so nosy?


	100. Chapter 100

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** 20 questions

Okay, it's my turn to ask now. Person, place, or thing?

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Nineteen to go

Thing. That's one.

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Nineteen to go

Is it blitzball?

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Nineteen to go

Damn it.


	101. Chapter 101

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Brother…

What did you mean, exactly, when you mentioned the secret of the crystal?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Brother…

I cannot say. This line is not secure.

But whatever you do, don't ask Cosmos about it when the two of you are alone in her bedroom.


	102. Chapter 102

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Golbez

Don't put any stock in what Golbez says. I know he's your brother, but he's still our enemy.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Golbez

You're right. I'll put it out of my mind.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Firion

Since when did Firion get so bossy?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Firion

It's not like that. I don't think he really gets it, you know? What it's like when your family's working for the bad guys, I mean.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Family

I'm glad. I do know how hard that is, you know. When your own family is the enemy.

But you have to persevere; they've chosen their path, and you've chosen yours.


	103. Chapter 103

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** You too?

You know what it is when your own family has turned against you? How did it happen?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: You too?

I don't really remember much about it.

Don't tell Tidus, okay? It's hard enough as it is.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Of course

You have my word. Tidus is too much of a gossip to keep a secret like this.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Oh my

Firion says he once had a family member turn on him.


	104. Chapter 104

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Firion's evil family

What? How come he never told me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Firion's evil family

Perhaps he is ashamed of his relation? He didn't seem to want you to know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** What if

You don't think maybe it's the Emperor, do you? Firion told me he was raised an orphan and never knew his parents. What if the Emperor is his dad?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** It makes sense

He did seem awfully sympathetic to your plight. Perhaps he knows what it is to lose a father to the darkness.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: It makes sense

I can see why he wouldn't want to tell us, but still. I thought we were friends.


	105. Chapter 105

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Concerns

I grow concerned about your loyalty to Chaos. You seem rather too involved in your brother's actions.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Concerns

You grow suspicious of my loyalty to _you_, you mean. I am ever Chaos's pawn.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Cosmos

Why then do you continue these secret meetings with Cosmos? I assure you, there is nothing she can give you that Chaos cannot do better.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Cosmos

I rather doubt that.


	106. Chapter 106

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Watch out

Don't let yourself be distracted.

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Watch out

Thank you for your concern. I am glad to have you as a friend, Firion.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Goodness

Firion is such a phony. I can't believe he still won't admit to being the Emperor's son!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Talk to me

Are you all right? I feel like you've been avoiding me lately.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Tidus

Is something wrong with Tidus? He won't talk to me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Tidus

He's just sulking about his father. I don't think he's a very good friend. You're better off without him.


	107. Chapter 107

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** No hard feelings?

I hope you're not still mad about me dating Kuja. I wouldn't want you to stab me in the back over a girl.

…

**ME****MO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Please

I am much happier with Ultimecia than I could ever be with that trollop Kuja. Fear not; you'll get your reward. I gave my word.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Please

You really need to stop signing your messages with that. You trying to compensate for something?


	108. Chapter 108

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** What's wrong?

Why won't you talk to me? I miss my best friend.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Golbez

Are you still worried about Golbez? You keep changing the subject every time I bring it up.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Golbez

Are you still fighting with Firion? You seem _lovelorn._


	109. Chapter 109

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Sleep

How long were we asleep, anyway? It all seems so foggy to me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Sleep

Um… How much do you remember?

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Nap

Well, we were traveling, and then I guess we took a nap?

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Nap

Yeah, I guess.

We need to keep going. Still gotta find your crystal.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Wait

Is there something you're not telling me?


	110. Chapter 110

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** My lord

Why have you not responded to my inquiries?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** YOU KNOW WHAT

HONESTLY I JUST THINK YOU'RE KIND OF CREEPY.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** But

I have already told you: it would be no more than the elf prince loving himself!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

AND I DON'T THINK THERE WERE TWO OF HIM.


	111. Chapter 111

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** My love

I cannot bear the thought of another moment spent apart from you. I've prepared a special picnic just for us in my palace.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: My love

I will be honest: I hate your palace.

It is a monstrosity. It is unpleasant and ugly, and I cannot enjoy any pleasures you might give to me there.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Pandaemonium

Surely you jest.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Pandaemonium

The walls _pulse_, Mateus. And there's some sort of disgusting slime that oozes across the floor. I have to shower every time I come back from there, and do you have any idea how long it takes to clean this outfit?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Laundry

Come naked then, I don't care. Just get over here.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Laundry

I will not set one foot in your palace.

If you want to spend the night with me, you're going to have to do it in a place where the walls don't scream with the tortured cries of the damned.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Damn it, woman

Where's the fun in that?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	112. Chapter 112

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Tell me

What's this I've been hearing about a young witch that Kefka's trying to brainwash?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Tell me

Come see for yourself.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Re: Tell me

Just tell me about the mind control. Will she do _anything_ she's commanded? Even if she really, really doesn't want to and thinks your taste in décor is somewhat lacking?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	113. Chapter 113

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**R****e:** Nice try

You can't ignore me forever, Cloud. I'm a part of you.

Forever.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thanks again

You're always cheering me up. I'm glad you're with me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Thanks again

I could never leave you, Terra. No matter what happens, I'll do whatever it takes to make it right.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Come on!

I'm bored, Cloud. I'm surrounded by idiots, and you just keep ignoring me.

Why won't you respond to any of my messages?


	114. Chapter 114

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Tidus

Tidus still won't talk to me. He just shrugs and turns away whenever I try to ask him a question. Please Cecil, you've got to help me!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Tidus

Perhaps he is still upset about his father. Perhaps the fact that his father is a notorious villain that he will have to face in battle is a daunting prospect, and he is not sure how to deal with it. Maybe if you were more understanding, he wouldn't be so mad. Maybe if you too knew what it was like to learn your father sides with the forces of evil, he would find you more relatable.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Re: Tidus

…You're right. I shouldn't be so hard on him. It must be difficult to have a father like Jecht, and I can't expect Tidus to face him so easily.

Thank you, Cecil. You've been a big help.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I'm sorry

I was talking with Cecil, and I know why you're upset with me. I don't blame you. I shouldn't have said the things I did. I'll try to be more open in the future.

This isn't easy for any of us, you know. You're not as alone as you might think.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: I'm sorry

…Thanks.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** So

Are we still friends?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: So

Yeah, I guess we are.


	115. Chapter 115

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Well?

What did Firion say? Is the Emperor really his father or not?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Well?

He dropped a lot of hints. But I don't think he's ready to talk about it yet.

Maybe I pushed him too hard. Do you think he might be mad at me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Oh for the love of

Will you two just make out and be done with it?


	116. Chapter 116

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Fight with Garland

Why'd you run away from the fight? You should've let me smack the ol' tin can for you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Fight with Garland

Jecht, you're the best friend I could ever hope for, but I can't have you fighting all my battles. I won't deny that it's been easier on me since you've come to my defense, but sometimes _I_ have to be the one to prove my strength.

I can't always rely on you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Re: Fight with Garland

You don't think I'm reliable.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** I didn't say that

That's not what I meant and you know it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: I didn't say that

Has my kid been telling you things? 'Cause I admit I wasn't the best father, but I was always on his side. And I'd be on your side too, if you let me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Re: I didn't say that

You're not on his side now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** I just remembered

I'm busy tonight. I have to cancel.


	117. Chapter 117

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Moping

We need to talk. I think what Golbez said is getting to you. You're all brooding and snarky. More than usual, I mean.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Moping

I don't see how that concerns you, unless you were going to offer me tips on how to achieve that perfect whine. Exactly how _do_ you add that nasal quality to it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** You just proved my point

Don't make me corner you.


	118. Chapter 118

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** A compromise

It is obvious to me that we will accomplish nothing by refusing to speak to each other. I propose we settle on a separate location for our activities, one on which we can both agree. And to make it fair, we will have a third party mediate for us.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: A compromise

I am amenable to your suggestion. Whom did you have in mind?


	119. Chapter 119

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** You were right

Thank you, Tidus. I hope Firion doesn't give you too hard a time about me leaving.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Firion

Let me worry about Firion. You go find your brother.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Firion

I'll let you know when I find my answer. Have fun making up with Firion.

Besides, this will give the two of you some time alone.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Firion

Huh? Time alone for what?


	120. Chapter 120

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** A proposition

Would you be willing to mediate an argument between my beloved and myself? We wish to make use of your lair for the occasion, and your reward will be great.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: A proposition

I suppose I have nothing better to do.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Excellent

We shall arrive shortly.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Excellent

It's been a while since I handled a lovers' quarrel.

…Wait. You're not going to try to have sex here, are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Not again

Answer me!


	121. Chapter 121

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Cecil's leaving

Hehe, so I guess you saw right through me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Cecil's leaving

It wasn't that hard. You're not very good at keeping secrets, Tidus.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Cecil's leaving

Yeah, I guess you would know about keeping secrets.


	122. Chapter 122

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Fighting Jecht

Are you sure you're okay with this?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Fighting Jecht

Why do you keep asking me that? A few days ago you were telling Cecil to give up on his brother, but now you've completely turned around on the issue. I can't keep up with you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Re: Fighting Jecht

I'm just trying to be more understanding.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Hypocrite

Get off your high horse. You want me to open up, maybe you should follow your own advice!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Hypocrite

Don't you dare call me a hypocrite. I should open up to you? I've been trying! You wouldn't talk to me for _days_ just because I wasn't sympathetic enough!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Mood swings

Oh look, you're angry again. Big surprise. You gonna be all "understanding" tomorrow?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Mood swings

Well how do you want me to feel? Did you want me to be mad that Cecil went running off on a fool's errand? Because I will if that'll make you happy!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** You know what

I really don't care what you think. I'm going to bed.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: You know what

Likewise!


	123. Chapter 123

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** I hate him

Firion's a jackass.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Can't stand him

Tidus is a whiny bitch.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Really, you two?

Just get a room already!


	124. Chapter 124

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** One more time

Just thought I'd give a shout, in case you could hear me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor, Ultimecia

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Your offer

Your offer has been rejected. Find another lair for your dirty business and get out.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Haha

Why do so many of Chaos's warriors have really long hair? I just spotted a bunch of them in a secret meeting, so I'll message you back if I don't get caught.

Just in case you're reading this.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Whoops

I think they spotted me.


	125. Chapter 125

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** A proposal

I have need of your lair. I offer some information regarding the whereabouts of that Bartz character in exchange.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: A proposal

You want to have sex here, don't you?


	126. Chapter 126

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Affirmation

I wish to reaffirm my devotion to you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Affirmation

Thank you, my brave warrior. I shall believe in you always.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Re: Affirmation

And I in you! Truly, we share a rare, unbreakable bond.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Sure

I'm sure we do.

You wouldn't happen to know where Squall got to, would you? He probably needs some encouraging…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Sure

…I passed him not too long ago.

But. I do not think he is the sort of man who would appreciate the company of a lady.

If you understand my meaning.


	127. Chapter 127

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** The Onion Knight

Where is the boy? I must see him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: The Onion Knight

I see no reason to allow him to fall into your vile clutches.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Re: The Onion Knight

You forget which side you're on. Tell me where he is!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Never

Don't make me laugh.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Never

I am coming for you. Expect no mercy; you are definitely not cute.


	128. Chapter 128

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Hurry

Hurry up and come back. I can't stand another minute with this idiot who can't even pronounce his own name right.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** Please

I know what you're doing now is important, so I won't ask you to come back. I'm sure Firion would, but that's because he's a loser who has no idea what it's like to waste years of your life living with someone who hates your guts and does everything he can to make your life miserable.

So take your time. _I_ can handle it, even if he can't.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Oh yeah

And if Tidus asks, tell him that I'm not talking to him. I'd tell him myself, but I wouldn't want to trigger any flashbacks to his pitiful childhood spent with a neglectful parent that he just couldn't get to love him. Maybe if he could get over it I'd ask him how his day was, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Oh, that reminds me! Did Tidus tell you that he can hold his breath until he passes out? I think he only mentioned it several thousand times.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** One more thing

I just thought I'd mention that Firion is an impulsive snotbag who never even knew his own parents because he's an _orphan_. I'm sure the pain he felt at losing them at such a young age is the real reason he gets so jealous of those of us who actually _have_ a family, even one as messed up as mine.

It's all right, though. He channeled that pain into the ten thousand weapons he keeps stashed up his ass.


	129. Chapter 129

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Is that all you got?

I'd like to remind you that Tidus is the scum of the earth, capable of only striking a low blow because he's too stupid to actually find a _real_ reason to dislike someone. It must stem from his horrible, loathsome life as a beloved child celebrity who was adored by thousands for his athletic prowess. What an awful life. It's no wonder he cries so much.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** That the best you can do?

I guess I wouldn't know what it's like to never be loved. After all, I was never desperate enough to make out with a snake.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** I told you that in confidence!

Tidus couldn't even score with a snake if it bit him in the ass.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** At least I'm not a monster magnet

It's probably better that you left Firion behind. All the people he travels with end up _dying_.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** I SAY ENOUGH

Tidus's mother is a whore.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE

Firion's mother was a fat slob.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** That's it

I am blocking you both.


	130. Chapter 130

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** We need to talk

I know you're upset. Let me try to fix this.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: We need to talk

That's not such a good idea. I think maybe we should take a break.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Why?

What are you so afraid of?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Why not?

I ain't scared. I just want something more out of this relationship, and you'll obviously never give that to me.


	131. Chapter 131

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** I don't understand

One beer? Just tell me what you want from me. I miss you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: I don't understand

It's better if we don't.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** What happened to us?

I really thought we had something, Jecht. I've never felt this close to anyone. Is being my friend just too hard for you? Tell me what I did wrong, and I'll fix it! I promise. I want us to be friends forever.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** WHAT

ARE YOU CRYING?


	132. Chapter 132

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Sorry about earlier

Looks like Ultimecia's been disguising herself as you. Guess it wasn't you who gave me that pep talk, huh?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Pep talk?

Oh, that must have been so terrible for you!

Do you need me to come 'round and cheer you up?


	133. Chapter 133

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Help

Where did you go? Are you all right?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Stop!

What did you do to him? Where is he? Answer me, Kefka!

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Please!

I don't remember what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Just please answer me. I have to know that you're all right.

I don't know what to do when you're not near me.


	134. Chapter 134

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Surprise!

I thought I'd stop by for a surprise visit, darling. Are you in the tower?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Surprise!

Don't come in!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Re: Surprise!

…Are you naked in there? I thought you had a meeting with Squall.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** …

Oh.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Wait!

It's not what it looks like!


	135. Chapter 135

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Shut it

Honestly, how many times do I have to SMACK you, kid?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Shut it

What do you want with Terra, anyway? Why can't I contact her?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Re: Shut it

You should know better by now, whelp. Never get between a clown and his toys.


	136. Chapter 136

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** I met with Golbez

It didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Aftermath

What happened?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Aftermath

Golbez told me what I needed to do. And I failed.

Then he said I'd disappointed him, and he left. I don't know what to do.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Get over it

Your closest family member cut you down, and then when you couldn't meet his unrealistic expectations he abandoned you? Well gee, I have no idea what _that_ feels like.

Take a page out of my book, Cecil. Go find him and give him a piece of your mind.


	137. Chapter 137

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** My brother

Things didn't go so well. I guess you were right. I never should have tried to reach out to him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: My brother

Don't say that. So things didn't go as well as you hoped. So what? Are you any worse off than you were before?

If it's not working out, just come on back. We'll be waiting.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus

Tidus thought I should keep going.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Let me tell you a secret

Tidus is a moron.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Oh, no

We are not starting that again. Either you two make up, or I will lock you in a room together until you've fallen sobbing into each others' arms or killed each other. And I don't particularly care which.


	138. Chapter 138

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** You and Firion

I am sick and tired of hearing you two bitch and moan about each other. Don't make me come back there.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: You and Firion

I didn't say anything! What has he been telling you? He's lying! That's all he's ever done!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Sweet Cosmos

_I'm_ the only one allowed to complain about you two idiots. So you have until I get back to become friends again. _Or else_.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Cecil

What did you say to him? So you're talking behind my back now?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Cecil

I said nothing that hasn't already been said.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Yeah right

Cut the crap. Whatever you want to say, just say it to my face! Or are you too much of a coward?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Yeah right

You really want to know? Fine! Come on over here and I'll TELL you!


	139. Chapter 139

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Help

Goddess, give me strength. I don't know if I can go on alone.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Help

Oh, well, I'm not normally into that, dear, but I don't mind a little experimentation. Just let me clear my schedule first.


	140. Chapter 140

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Kuja

That Kuja chick is pretty hot. Shame you missed out.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Kuja

Trust me, you're not her type.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Re: Kuja

We'll see about that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Single

I heard Jecht dropped you like a Wutai ninja. How about I come on over tonight and make you feel better?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** I cannot say this enough

1. I'm not a girl, so  
>2. Jecht and I were never dating, because<br>3. I'm not a girl, which means  
>4. I will never be interested in you. Also:<br>5. Still not a girl!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Score

She's totally mine.


	141. Chapter 141

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Hey

You doin' anything right now? I gotta drown my sorrows.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Hey

What is the matter?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Life

Oh, nothing new. I'm a terrible father, my son wants to kill me, I hate my boss, and the girl I'm crazy about just wants to be friends.

What's new with you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Life

My brother can't take a hint. And I'm doomed to work for an incompetent boss who cares more about showing up his old girlfriend than actually accomplishing anything.

An old girlfriend, by the way, that I have failed to not sleep with four times now, because I can't stop feeling sorry for myself.

And she _still_ wouldn't hire me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Ouch

That's rough.


	142. Chapter 142

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Sorry

I'm sorry I stabbed you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Sorry

…Yeah, thanks for that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I'm waiting

…Well? You know why I did it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: I'm waiting

…I'm sorry I took your bandana. That was wrong, and petty. Maybe not as petty as _stabbing_ someone, but still wrong. I shouldn't have _overreacted,_ and I apologize.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Apology accepted

I forgive you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Oh by the way I was being sarcastic

Gee, I feel so much better now.


	143. Chapter 143

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** That's it

I've made up my mind. I need to get over Kuja, and the only way I'm gonna do that is by finding another woman.

Exactly how easy is Cosmos, anyway?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: That's it

You would abandon your true feelings so readily?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Cosmos

Shut up and answer the question.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: Cosmos

It should not be too difficult. I'd recommend you remove your shirt, but I think you've already got the idea.


	144. Chapter 144

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** The Emperor

What did you do to him? He used to spend every second plotting against the rest of us, and now he does nothing but mutter under his breath about the treachery of women.

Granted, this is kind of an improvement, but I'm still concerned.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: The Emperor

I have done nothing! He's got the wrong idea about me and Squall, that's it. I told him he was mistaken, and he said he believed me. Why can't he just let it go?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Squall

He asked me to chaperone your meeting with Squall.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Squall

What? But that would ruin all my plans! Can't we not, and say we did?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Don't misunderstand

You can do whatever you want. I'm not going to lie for you, though. This farce has gone on long enough.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Don't misunderstand

…Oh, very well. I can't believe he doesn't trust me! You can tag along, and I promise I won't do anything to keep you distracted.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Garland

Get over here, little monkey. I know where your missing friend is. Garland took him; keep him busy for me and you just might get him back.


	145. Chapter 145

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** So…

I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something later?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: So…

Come on over. I'm baking cookies in the kitchen.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Re: So…

Oh, that sounds good.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** In fact

It's very hot in here. So hot, you see, that I'm only wearing an apron.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: In fact

You don't have to tell me twice.


	146. Chapter 146

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**R****e:** Report

What happened with Ultimecia? How did her meeting go?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Report

Less than satisfactory. Squall has achieved his crystal, and I was attacked by the little monkey freak.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Re: Report

But she is not unfaithful?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Did you not hear me?

She is dead, for now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Did you not hear me?

Perfect. I only care that she did not betray my love. If she has to die to do it, all the better.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	147. Chapter 147

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** So um

You were a big help back there against Ultimecia.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Heh

Don't start thinking you're so special. I would've helped anyone!

We gotta hurry, though. We still have to rescue Bartz.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** About that

I'm sure he's okay.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: About that

You seem pretty concerned about him. Are you starting to care?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Re: About that

…Maybe I am.

But don't go thinking he's anything special to me.

You wouldn't happen to know if he's seeing anyone, would you?


	148. Chapter 148

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Ye gods

Are you sure you're not divine? I can't get you out of my head! I need another taste of that bronzed MAN.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Ye gods

Thanks, babe. You were great too, but I can't be tied down.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** More

I MUST HAVE YOU.

And did I mention I'm baking cookies again?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: More

I'll be right over.


	149. Chapter 149

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Goddess

I must speak with you. I need your guidance.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Goddess

Can it wait a few minutes? I'm kind of tied up right now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Help!

What's happening to me? Is anyone there?

I don't want to hurt anyone anymore!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** …

Terra?


	150. Chapter 150

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** We need to talk

We have to work this out.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: We need to talk

Fine. Let's get this over with.

But I don't want to have to look at your stupid face.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I'll just keep messaging you then

You're my best friend, Tidus. And I thought you felt the same way, but then you stopped talking to me for no reason at all. And you know what? I don't think I did anything wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have told Cecil off for wanting to go after Golbez, but I did realize that I'd crossed a line, and I tried to be more accepting. And nothing I did made you happy. What happened to us?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** My story

What happened is that I found out you've been keeping secrets from me. Cecil told me. About your family. And I know it's hard, and you might not want to talk about it, I get that. What I don't get is why you would lie about it to _me_. I _trusted_ you, and you treated my problems like they didn't matter, when you knew damn well how important it was to me.

So don't talk to me about trust. You're the one who's been lying.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: My story

That's the thing about betrayal; it makes it harder for you to trust again. Fine, so you found out about my brother. Do you have any idea how much it hurt when he turned against me and called himself an emperor? I didn't ever want anyone to hurt me like that again. I've been trying so hard to overcome that, and the reason I didn't want you to know is because _I_ have trouble acknowledging it. I'm sorry I confided in Cecil instead of you, but I only told him because I was afraid _he_ would take the same path my brother did, and embrace the side of himself that's a dark knight.

But you, Tidus? _You're_ my brother, now. I couldn't tell you because it meant that I'd have to open myself to the possibility that one day, you might betray me just like he did.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Betrayal

…You _stabbed_ me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Betrayal

I said I was sorry!


	151. Chapter 151

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Okay

And all those things you said to Cecil about me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** You're one to talk

You said awful things about me, too.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Oh right

Did I mention that you _stabbed_ me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Oh right

I gave you my last Phoenix Down, didn't I?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Oh right

Yeah, that's true.

…I'm sorry about your brother.


	152. Chapter 152

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Finally

I'm sorry too.

But even after everything my brother put me through, I still found something to believe in.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Finally

…You're not gonna say "Friendship" or something like that, are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Don't flatter yourself

I mean my dream. Something to fight for. It's what my wild rose stood for, why I was so upset when I lost it. But I'll keep fighting for it, even when it's gone.

And if you'll fight by my side, one day, the dream will be real.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Don't flatter yourself

The dream… will be real?

I'd like that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** What about you?

Do you have a dream, Tidus?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Let's just say

You should never underestimate the power of dreams.


	153. Chapter 153

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I want to make sure

So… Are we friends again?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** That depends

Are you gonna tell me what this dream of yours is?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: That depends

You'll just have to trust that it's worth fighting for.

But if you find my wild rose, I'll tell you anything you want to know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Wait

Do you mean your wild rose is _literally_ a wild rose?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Wait

Huh? What did you think it was?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Wait

Uh… Never mind.

Tell you what, you pretend I never asked that, and we go back to the way we were before: friends. Deal?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Deal!

_Best_ friends.


	154. Chapter 154

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** My prayers

Thank you for coming to see me. I will stand firm in my convictions.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: My prayers

Glad to be of service.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Re: My prayers

So, er… I thought it was customary that when you visited, we would, uh… you know.

That's what Bartz said anyway. And Zidane.

And my brother.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Look

I have no idea what you're talking about, and I resent the implication that I'm nothing but a cheap floozy who'll jump any man who catches my fancy.

Call me when you get your crystal, and _then_ we'll talk.


	155. Chapter 155

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Again

I'm sorry I attacked you. Truly.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Again

It wasn't your fault. You don't have to keep apologizing.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** But

I just feel bad about it. And now you're helping me find my friend, too.

You're really a wonderful person, Cloud. I just want you to know that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** …

…Thanks.

And… You're really pretty, Terra.


	156. Chapter 156

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** You're pathetic

I heard you couldn't even best Golbez's pathetic little brother.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** SILENCE

Go away. I am scheming.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Forget that

How would you like to be involved in a plan that _will_ work for a change?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Intriguing

I'm listening.


	157. Chapter 157

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Boooooooored

I'm so booooooooooored. Can we just skip to the end already?

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** You probably can't hear me

But guess who just got their crystal?

It was just hovering there, over a pit of lava, surrounded by all of Chaos's forces, and a moat made of snakes!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Firion and the Emperor

I guess we were wrong about the Emperor being Firion's dad.

He's actually Firion's _brother._


	158. Chapter 158

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** I'm getting worried

I hope he's okay.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: I'm getting worried

I'm sure he'll be fine.

So, are you and the Onion Knight… together?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Re: I'm getting worried

No, I really don't think he sees me that way.


	159. Chapter 159

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Oh my wind crystal

Guys! Guys! You'll never guess what I found! It's a talking rock!

It's a _rock_. That _talks_. This is so much cooler than my talking turtle!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Oh my wind crystal

Get back to work. I don't pay you to chat with the shiny things you find on the ground.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Whoa

You're paying us?


	160. Chapter 160

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Wild rose

I'm just gonna keep asking, you know. Might as well tell me now and save yourself the trouble.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Wild rose

I'll make sure to tell everyone _but_ you if you keep pestering me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Hey Firion

What's the wild rose?


	161. Chapter 161

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Best night of my life

I must have died and gone to heaven. Is this what a little death feels like? I could definitely get used to it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Best night of my life

Haha, tell me about it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Re: Best night of my life

It was so great I don't even care that you kept calling me "Kuja."

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** About that

Yeah, would you mind not mentioning that to anyone?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Not a problem

There's nothing to be ashamed of. That Kuja chick _is_ pretty hot.


	162. Chapter 162

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** How're you doing?

You sure you're okay with splitting up? You're still recovering from that, ah, stab wound.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: How're you doing?

Hmm, it might be tough. Maybe if you tell me about the wild rose, I'll be able to handle it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Re: How're you doing?

Nice try.


	163. Chapter 163

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Dreams

A world full of flowers… That's a beautiful dream for us to share.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Dreams

Well, like you said, it was really Firion's idea.

He seems like a really great guy! Do you know if he's seeing anyone?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** …

We should get moving. We still have to rescue your friend.


	164. Chapter 164

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** What was that all about?

Why would you just attack me like that? I didn't do anything to you!

…

**MEM****O**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** A word of warning

Be careful not to lose yourself in the light. The darkness will only betray you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Oh yeah?

Light may shine as you walk ahead, but the darkness always follows close behind.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Pitiful

Imitation belies the sincerity of truth.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Anything you can do…

Truth shines brighter than wisdom, and so blinds those who seek it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Or perhaps a worthy opponent

The fool seeks to know nothing, for then all he has learned will come to naught.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** …I can do better!

The fool will grow wiser than the wise man who strives not to look the fool.

Which reminds me: Have you seen Zidane anywhere? I have to tell him something.


	165. Chapter 165

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** The boy

I will be busy for a while. Kefka has acquired the boy, and has offered him to me in exchange for my help in securing the girl.

I cannot wait to wrap my tentacles around him… I intend to squeeze the life from him, of course.

I most certainly will not hug him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Psst

I heard about your dream, for a world full of wild roses. I think it's beautiful. I'd really like it if you could tell me some more.

Maybe we could get together sometime and talk about it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Psst

…Why are we whispering?


	166. Chapter 166

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** A true ending

You will never understand how little I care about your petty concerns.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: A true ending

So you've said. Repeatedly.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Re: A true ending

Inside my armor is an emptiness where all emotions go to die. My caring exists in nonexistence, unfelt deep within the endless expanse of the Void.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Indeed

You care so little, it seems, that you feel the need to gloat about it to anyone who cares to listen. And even to those who do not.

Truly, I marvel at how uncaring you can be.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Re: Indeed

I am glad of it.

Now, I have business to attend to. I've heard a rumor that Kefka has located the boy, and I mean to hunt him down. And I don't care about him either, not his button nose nor his rosy cheeks.

Notice how the fact that he is unbearably adorable has no effect on me whatsoever. That is how filled with nothingness I am.


	167. Chapter 167

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Back off

Stay away from my girl.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Back off

You got a girl, Cloud? Congratulations! Is it Kuja? I know she's basically evil, but she is kinda hot.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Cloud's girl

Has Cloud told you yet? He has a girlfriend!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Cloud's girl

Really? Who is it? 'Cause I don't think Cosmos really counts.


	168. Chapter 168

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** heyy

heeeeey . Heyyyh. yur real pritty, ya kno? mayb we coudl gget a drnik sumtime

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Ramuh's beard

How much have you been drinking?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** hah a

99 botttles obeer oon teh waaaaaaaall…

9( botltes off beeeeeeer

tak 1 dwon passit aroud

99bootles of brrr on th wall

I can t count;the ntmberss jeeo mufung

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Audible sigh

Where are you? I don't want you to get hurt trying to walk home.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** hey

your nice

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Yes

I think you're nice too. Now tell me where you are and I'll take you home.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** knw what

immin the blitzzb all plawe .thers lotsa fire nd it look liek home

and alot ob bottls/

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** I'm on my way

Don't move. I'm coming over.


	169. Chapter 169

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** …

I'm sure it's in poor taste to be asking this when you're not sober, but…

You keep saying you like me, and I believed it; so why did you stop talking to me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** teeeedus

yo'ure tiedus

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** ?

…That doesn't make any sense.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** no

Im no good at thiis

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Not at all

No, apparently not. Forget it, it was a stupid idea.


	170. Chapter 170

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedus

im alwys a jrek 2 the peaple i luv

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Oh

Well, I've gotten used to that. I care about you too, you stupid lunk. You're the best friend I've ever had.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** no

but i don wnna be frends

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** I know

You made that abundantly clear when you cut me off.

I still don't know _why_, though.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** zanrknad

cauze you dont wnt me

yu liek grrls

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** …

Are you saying that you're…

Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. I certainly don't mind. It definitely explains a few things I've been wondering about you.

Unless you mean that you think _I_ am a girl, but you don't mean that.

…Do you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Oh

You _bastard._ I thought you were my friend, I _trusted_ you, but you're just like the others!

I hope you rot.


	171. Chapter 171

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** …

Why did you come and see me, anyway? Did you just want to make fun of me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Re: …

Be watchful. It is not safe here.

Also, I have brought you some cookies. Cosmos and I were making them.

With luck, this will be the last batch we ever make.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Re: …

Thanks, I guess?

And if you don't wanna help her bake them any more, tell her I'd love to take your place.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Perhaps

It would be better if I did not. Her baking techniques are extremely advanced.


	172. Chapter 172

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thanks

You may not know it, but you really inspired me.

Is there any way I can repay you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Thanks

I really didn't do anything.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Re: Thanks

But you did, just by being yourself!

Maybe we could do something together then, as a fun little compromise?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I dunno

Uh, sure. I guess. Maybe we could bake cookies or something later? I heard Cosmos has a killer recipe.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** OH

Oh, um, I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Don't worry

It can't be too difficult. And we can get Tidus to help us.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Don't worry

Um, maybe we should think of something else to do.


	173. Chapter 173

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** The truth

Pitiful Warrior, you could not bear to know the truth behind this conflict.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** The "truth"

You cannot dissuade me; whatever tricks you have used to rise from the dead will not save you! There will be no Phoenix Downs where _I_ am sending you.


	174. Chapter 174

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** What's happening?

We haven't heard from you in a while. Did you work things out with Golbez?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Busy!

Stop bothering me! I'm in the middle of fighting him!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Busy!

Are you winning?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Enough

I'm blocking you two again.


	175. Chapter 175

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Congratulations

Congratulations on getting your crystal, Terra. I knew you could do it.

We should do something to celebrate. Just the two of us.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thank goodness!

I'm so glad you're safe!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Thank goodness!

I always believed in you, Terra. Whenever I was down, I just had to think of you, and I felt safe. You're my inspiration.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife, Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Love

I'm so happy, you two! I feel like I could kiss you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Love

I feel the same way. I have for a long time.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: Love

You shouldn't kiss him! Look at how his eyes glow, he probably has some sort of disease.

I really don't trust this Cloud guy, Terra. He takes too long to make a complete sentence.


	176. Chapter 176

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Umm

Did something happen last night? I have this awful hangover and I woke up outside your door but you weren't there…

I didn't do anything, did I?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Come on

Kuja? Why won't you talk to me?


	177. Chapter 177

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Guess what?

I got my crystal, and it was all thanks to your inspiring example!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Guess what?

Hey, that's great! When me and Tidus have our crystals, we should celebrate.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Celebration

Terra wants to do something together once we both have our crystals.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Celebration

Cool. Does she like swimming?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Beach

Tidus thinks we should go to the beach. How does that sound?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Beach

Well actually, I was thinking the two of us could have dinner.

And you could bring me those flowers you love.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Dinner

That sounds great! Can Tidus come?


	178. Chapter 178

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Almost there

Bartz is close, I can feel it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Almost there

You uh, really like him, don't you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Re: Almost there

I'm not gay!


	179. Chapter 179

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** Not funny

I'm sure you put a lot of effort into it, but I do not appreciate having my armor polish replaced with a defoliant.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Not funny

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm too busy being DEAD. Don't interrupt!

Some people can be so RUDE.


	180. Chapter 180

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** There!

Bartz! I can see Bartz!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hey!

I found you! Can you finally hear me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Hey!

Were you sending me messages this whole time?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Re: Hey!

Oh man, wait 'til I get closer. I have the biggest surprise for you.


	181. Chapter 181

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus, Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Mission accomplished

I found the crystal.

Are you two friends yet?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** No

We're _best_ friends.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Firion

**Re:** Yeah

We'll be friends forever!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion, Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Fantastic

Then I'm on my way.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Firion

I think Firion is planning to cut off your access to the Gysahl greens.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Tidus

Tidus told me he thinks you're ugly.


	182. Chapter 182

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Victory

After much hardship, I have received my crystal.

Do I get a prize now?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Victory

All right, but leave your helmet on.


	183. Chapter 183

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** …

Well, _that_ didn't work.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Urgh

How could I have been so stupid? I should've known it was a fake crystal!

What if Zidane gets hurt because of me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Urgh

He'll be fine. He can handle himself.

Will it make you feel better if we hug?


	184. Chapter 184

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Assassination

I'll leave it to you to handle Golbez.

Leave Shinryu to me.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor, Exdeath

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Shinryu

I heard someone mention dragons. I demand to know every detail of the conversation.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Shinryu

I said "Shinryu," not "dragons."

And where were you listening from, anyway?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Re: Re: Shinryu

I was cuddled up with Ultimecia under a nearby blanket. I would have just stood up and asked you about the dragon directly, but Ultimecia was asleep and I didn't want to disturb her.

She was the one who told me about Shinryu, if you must know. Cried it out in her sleep.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Ultimecia

I hope for your sake that you are _lying_, because if what you just said is true, I will stuff you so full of knives you will turn into a _human cactuar_.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	185. Chapter 185

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Coward

Where are you going, you coward! Come back and fight me!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Jackass

Next time I wanna fight my kid, you let me fight my damn kid!

Don't you dare hurt him. I'm the only one allowed to do that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** And you

Shut it. I'm sick of your cryptic attitude. It just makes me feel guilty, and I don't like feeling guilty.

I got enough problems.


	186. Chapter 186

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Answer me

Are you still "dead"? Because I want to have a word with you about where you've hidden my Masamune. The Emperor's on the warpath, and I need it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** From beyond the grave…

Huh. Believe it or not, that one wasn't me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** Masamune

…So you didn't steal my sword and replace it with a banana?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Nope

Wish I had. Sounds like a fun time.

But no. I made that Cloud plush doll with your extra pair of pants while you were getting spoony with Ultimecia, but I can't take credit for the sword thing.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Gilgamesh

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** My Masamune

I want my sword back.

NOW.


	187. Chapter 187

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Your son

If you were looking for Tidus, I found him. He's right heWq;d mfst9sGfuh

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Whoops

Sorry about the yelling. I just felt like screaming all of a sudden.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Your son

Your son is kind of a fruitcake.


	188. Chapter 188

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** The Emperor

Why do you hate him so much? I mean, he definitely deserves whatever beating you wanna dish out, but you always act like it's kinda personal.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: The Emperor

He took someone I loved, and corrupted him. He twisted him into a dark shadow of himself, and all that was left was someone who couldn't care about what he'd become.

That and he also destroyed my home country, killed most of my friends and family, devastated the countryside, and from what I can recall, reigned a literal hell on earth, so…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Your brother

That guy… Was that your brother?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Your brother

Yes.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Confirmed

Yeah, the Emperor's definitely Firion's brother.


	189. Chapter 189

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** The Emperor is Firion's brother?

That's awfully hypocritical of him. Aren't you going to confront him about it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** I don't think so

Nah. We're friends; if he wants to tell me, that's up to him. He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** I'm impressed

That is very mature of you, Tidus.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Just so you know

Tidus has been talking about you behind your back. He's been telling everyone about how the Emperor is your brother but you want to keep it a secret.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Just so you know

Wait, _what_?


	190. Chapter 190

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** It's over

I know about you and Sephiroth. Honestly, Ulty, how many men do I have to kill before there's no one left for you?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: It's over

I thought he was you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Please

I'm insulted.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** No really

It was very dark when I bumped into him, you both have low, sensual voices, and his long hair was swirling about his lithe, muscular body, and I just thought… Well, I'd just woken up after a long period of being _dead_ and when the first thing I see is a man who sort of looks like you in the dark, then what do you expect me to do? I would have been betraying your memory if I _hadn't_ jumped him!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: No really

Hmm, I suppose I _am_ more than handsome enough to be mistaken for a man who wears nothing but an open leather jacket over leather pants.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Mmm

Why don't you come over tonight? Let me make it up to you.

I'll wear that red dress you like.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Mmm

All right. But if I so much as hear the word "Squall," I will Starfall you so hard your _grandchildren_ will feel it.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	191. Chapter 191

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Is it true?

Have you been making up stories behind my back? Or did you really somehow convince yourself that the Emperor is my brother?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Is it true?

Well, I don't think that _anymore._

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I can't believe this

Why would you think something so _stupid_?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Save me Yevon

You're not gonna stab me again, are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I just

That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard in all my life, and that includes the time I found a dragoon inside a giant fish!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** I don't remember

Was that before or after you got seduced by a snake dressed as a princess?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** …

…It was after.

Stop changing the subject.


	192. Chapter 192

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** I'm winning

In addition to the hunks on my team, I've also acquired Jecht, Golbez, and most recently, Sephiroth.

And how many women have shown interest in _you_?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** THERE'S STILL TIME

KUJA WILL BE MINE. CLOUD OF DARKNESS ALREADY IS. ULTIMECIA WILL BE AGAIN.

I'LL SWAP YOU TERRA FOR JECHT.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** No way

I'm not falling for that one again.


	193. Chapter 193

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** So

So your brother is _not_ the Emperor?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** No

Not the one we're fighting, anyway.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Look on the bright side

_One_ dysfunctional brother out of all your potential family members is pretty good compared to the rest of us.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Wanna bet?

My other brother talks to beavers.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Wanna bet?

You're really not helping your case.

…Wait, talks to _what_?


	194. Chapter 194

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Me again

I'm a horrible person and my life sucks.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Good for you

And you're telling me this because…?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Good for you

Because I keep endangering the people I care the most about, and I can't let it happen again.

I'm sorry, Cloud. It's over between us. I'd just hurt you too.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Bartz

I think Bartz might be kind of gay.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hey

What do you look so happy about?


	195. Chapter 195

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Dude

Did that Shiva summon just hit on you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** No

Shut up.


	196. Chapter 196

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Pep talk

You're really good at those pep talks, you know. You should be a motivational speaker; you're just so good with your mouth.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Pep talk

Well, I _am_ a goddess.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Re: Pep talk

Maybe once I find my crystal, you can give me _another_ pep talk.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** How about…

Maybe _you_ can cheer _me_ up.


	197. Chapter 197

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please consult Chapter 58 for reference.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>MEMO<span>  
><strong>

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Revenge

Come to me, little monkey man. I'll have my revenge on you yet!

…

**MEMO  
><strong>

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Revenge

Seriously, what did I ever do to you?

…

**MEMO  
><strong>

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Don't play dumb

Ultimecia's told me all about your little plan to get everyone thinking I'm a girl!

You have ruined my life—as well as the only chance I had at a true friendship—with your horrible lies!

…

**MEMO  
><strong>

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** But I didn't

I mean, it's not like I set out on a crusade to prove your manliness to everyone, but I never told anyone you were a girl.

Why do you always have to see the worst in people, Kuja? I've been telling everyone how you were better than that fat, ugly Queen Brahne, but you're just determined to prove me wrong, aren't you?

…

**MEMO  
><strong>

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Oh

…This changes nothing. I will yet have my vengeance!


	198. Chapter 198

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Goodbye

I really did think of you as my friend, until you turned out to be just like everybody else. I wish we could have stayed that way, before it all turned out to be a lie. But I don't have time for you anymore.

I have a bigger role to play.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Where are you?

Are you really going to fight Zidane? He'll kill you! I got no memory of what I said to make you so mad at me, but it's not worth throwing your life away. Kuja, please don't do this!


	199. Chapter 199

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Terra

I'm watching you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Terra

BRING IT.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife, Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Whoa

Why are you two looking so grumpy?


	200. Chapter 200

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Exhausted

You have no idea how tiresome it is to have to deal with these idiots. I'm coming over.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Bad time

It's kind of a bad time right now. Jecht and I are baking cookies.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Again?

You're not even trying to hide it now!

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	201. Chapter 201

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Baking cookies

What's the problem? Jecht was feeling down about some harlot and I thought I might cheer him up a bit. And this way I'll have a nice treat all warmed up for you when we're done.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** DEATH

You have no idea who you are messing with, do you? I AM THE LORD OF HELL. I am someone to be feared! Does that not penetrate your thick skull to the miniscule brain underneath?

I WILL RIP OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR IT AS A SHIRT.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc., Captain of the Dark Knight Speech and Debate Team


	202. Chapter 202

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** I win

I found my crystal first.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** You lose

No, _I_ found my crystal first.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** You're just jealous

I won, you lost, end of story.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Bartz

Smack Bartz for me, will ya? He seems to think he _won_ our race!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Bartz

Um. Where do you want me to smack him?


	203. Chapter 203

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** I take it back

I don't know what came over me before. But I found my crystal, I found my best friend, and I never want to lose the people I care about again!

We can pick up right where we left off.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** About that

I get the feeling you think we're dating or something.

…'Cause we're not.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Oh no

I didn't mean to pressure you or anything.

Anyway, Squall wants to hug, talk to you later. XOXO


	204. Chapter 204

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Calling it in

Got my crystal! Oh and so did Bartz.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Excellent

I'll just have to reward _both_ of you!


	205. Chapter 205

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Screw you

You didn't have to hit me. I didn't do nothing with your girl!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Screw you

And well for you you didn't, or I would have killed you outright.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc., Captain of the Dark Knight Speech and Debate Team, and all around good-looking guy

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Re: Screw you

You're not gonna hit her too, are you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Nonsense

My beloved has her own punishment to serve. I'm just going to watch.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia, Ruler of Hell, Conqueror of Heaven, Destroyer of Worlds, Subjugator of Fynn, Three-time Winner of _Altair Weekly_'s Most Fashionable Man Award, Winner of the First Annual Golden Chocobo Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Voted "Best Evil Laugh" by _Pandaemonium Times_ Annual "Villains to Watch Out For" Charity Dinner, Co-founder of Tyrant of Epic Proportions Oil Drilling Industries, President of Villainous Hair Care, Inc., Captain of the Dark Knight Speech and Debate Team, and all around good-looking guy

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Re: Nonsense

I don't wanna know.


	206. Chapter 206

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I'll see you later

I hope you find your father, Tidus. Make good use of that potion, okay?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** The potion

Not that I'm not grateful, but if you had this potion the entire time, why didn't you use it when you stabbed me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Just let it go already

Honestly, Tidus, how many times are you going to bring that up?


	207. Chapter 207

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser, Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** At last

I'm here! I'm hiding close by, whoever finds me gets a prize.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: At last

Aren't we a little too busy to be playing games?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cosmos

**cc:** Zidane Tribal, Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Fine

You don't have to join us, Mr. Stick-in-the-mud.

I've still got my two boys.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal, Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Sorry

I'll have to stick with Squall on this one. I'm in love with someone else.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Question

What do you look so pleased about?


	208. Chapter 208

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Help me

I'm experiencing a crisis of faith, and I need you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Help me

Can it wait? I've got important goddess business with Zidane that I need to finish over here…

Oh, very well. I'll be right there.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** How long?

This is a really uncomfortable position to be stuck in.


	209. Chapter 209

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos, Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** It's over

I got my crystal. And I worked through some issues that ten years of therapy couldn't find a way to cure. Granted, I don't remember ever being in therapy, but I'm pretty sure I was rich enough to afford it, so I must have tried it, right?


	210. Chapter 210

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**cc:** All Warriors of Chaos

**Re:** We are not amused

Why did you suddenly decide to segregate the bathrooms by gender?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**cc:** All Warriors of Chaos

**Re:** Re: We are not amused

I wanted you ladies to feel like you had a place where just _you_ could go, without us men around to annoy you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Chaos

**cc:** All Warriors of Chaos

**Re:** HE'S LYING

HE PUT A CAMERA IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM AND IS HOPING TO CATCH YOU ALL IN AN ORGY OR SOMETHING.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** NO FAIR

You cheated!


	211. Chapter 211

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** The bathrooms

But now we do not know where to go.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: The bathrooms

What, you're actually a man or something? I may have indulged Kuja some, but it didn't work for her, and it's not gonna work for you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Neither

Technically we are genderless.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Neither

Whatever, toots. Just get in there and take off your clothes or your smokescreen or whatever it is that you're wearing. I've got some very eager "clients" determined to see what's what with you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Very well

Your schemes do not concern us.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** WHY

My EYeS whydidnt yoU warn MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


	212. Chapter 212

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Thank you

I feel much better now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Thank you

Fantastic. Don't call on me again for a few hours at least.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** The pain

Come back it hurts soooooo

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: The pain

All right, all right! I'll be there in a second.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** jdne;gole"sq

Mommy…


	213. Chapter 213

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey, Tidus

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Hello

I heard Firion was in the neighborhood and I wanted to surprise him. Where are you guys?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Hello

You should try and avoid Firion. He just ran off all suicidal. And I think he has some sort of skin disease.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Firion

He kind of went to go confront the Emperor (who is _not_ his brother). I'm not sure when he'll be back.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Firion

Oh no! What if he gets hurt? That Emperor is really scary!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Hmm

No worries. I was just about to look for him anyway. Cecil's closer to you, so I'll scout ahead, and you guys and Cecil can meet up with us afterward.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Okay!

I feel so much better knowing his friends are watching out for him.


	214. Chapter 214

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight, Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Firion

Tidus is going to look for Firion. We're going to wait here for Cecil and then go look for him too.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**cc:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Firion

Maybe we should split up? You and me can wait here for Cecil, and Cloud can go away. To help Tidus.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight, Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** No

I don't think that's a good idea.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**cc:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Why not?

What if Firion's in danger, and you could have saved him if only we'd split up? You don't want Firion to get hurt, do you?

Do you, Cloud?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**cc:** Onion Knight

**Re:** He's right

He's right. You should go find your friends, Cloud. I'll stay here alone with the Onion Knight. We can meet up with you later.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Watch it

I'm on to you, punk.


	215. Chapter 215

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Chaos

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Public Service Announcement

Until further notice the bathrooms will be CLOSED for an extensive cleaning.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Insignificant worm

You have no authorization for such a closure and I will not allow it. You had no right putting cameras in there anyway. I am hardly to blame if you saw something you should not have seen.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Chaos

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Addendum

Anyone interested in seeing just what Mr. Emperor does in the girls' bathroom when he thinks he's alone, come see me.


	216. Chapter 216

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife, Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Thanks for the rescue

Your timing is incredible!

And where did you find my rose, Cloud?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Wild rose

It's not important. Just hang on to it.

And don't go giving it to any girls.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Wild rose

You still haven't told me what your dream is.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Wild rose

Can you just ask Cloud? I've given like three speeches on it in the last hour and I really don't feel like repeating myself.


	217. Chapter 217

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Are you okay?

Tidus said you were going to fight the Emperor! Will you be all right?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Are you okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine. I got my wild rose back.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Wild rose

Your rose gave me hope when I was really down. I hope you'll let me see more of it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Wild rose

Sure. My flower is a treasure, after all. It should be enjoyed by everyone.


	218. Chapter 218

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** I'm curious

What is your obsession with puppets? You're always talking about them, yet I never see you with any marionettes.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** How thick can you get?

IT'S SYMBOLISM.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Sephiroth

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Tell me

Were you one of those melodramatic losers who spent all day reading the same trite poem and brooding on how "deep" and "complex" it was?


	219. Chapter 219

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** This is your last chance

Bow before me, and I will let you live in the world I create. I will need adoring subjects, after all.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Never

I will strike you down! For my dream! For my friends! For all the lives you've destroyed!

But most of all, for Leon!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** …

…Who?

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	220. Chapter 220

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Tonight

Are we still on for tonight? I was wondering if we could take a break; I'm kind of tired after fighting that Firion fellow.

You know, he kind of looks like you. Are you two related?


	221. Chapter 221

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Hi there

You're a beautiful woman, Terra. You've come a long way since we first started out. I really admire that about you.

You know, we never really ever got a chance to talk. I mean, we have a lot in common. We both turn pink when we get angry, for one.

I grew up with a theatre background, you know. Do you like watching plays?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Hi there

I haven't really seen too many, I think.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Oh?

I'd be happy to give you a private performance.


	222. Chapter 222

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Did I mention

It's funny, 'cause since I got my crystal back I've started to remember so much more about where I came from. But nothing has helped me as much as gazing at your lovely face has.

You know, you remind me of a princess I once met. She had a secret magical gift that no one else had, and was renowned across an entire continent for her extraordinary beauty. But I'm not sure she could compare to you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Wow!

You must have met so many interesting people. I don't really know anybody at all.

Though now that I think about it, I did meet a king once, and he was a lot like you, except he didn't have a tail.

And he had a twin brother who was really dreamy.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Oh

Well, I certainly don't have a brother renowned for his looks.


	223. Chapter 223

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** I'm starting to remember now…

I also knew a lady general who worked for the bad guys, but she defected to our side and fell in love with my friend. They made such a cute couple!

Oh, and I also knew a little girl who was very cheerful despite her sad lot in life. She'd lost her parents at a young age, and then she turned out to have a secret magical heritage that we thought had died out!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** …

Wait a second…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Oh and also

And there was also the mercenary who tagged along with us. He was kind of gruff and didn't really understand our friendship, but he turned out to be all right in the end. I wonder what happened to him?

And then there was the scary monster who followed us around. He helped out in fights but I was afraid he was going to just start eating people!

This is amazing! I can remember so much when I'm talking to you!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Yes

It's uncanny, really.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** There's more

Oh, and I have to tell you about Cid!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Yeah

I have to go.


	224. Chapter 224

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** It's over

I've defeated the Emperor and retrieved my crystal.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Congrats

I knew you could do it!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Ugh

Fine, I'm on my way. Let's get this over with.

Tell Tidus he's next.


	225. Chapter 225

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thank goodness!

I'm so glad you made it! Hurry back, I can't wait to see you again!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hey, Squall

I'm all for hugs, but don't you think you should try to include Zidane in them, too? It's not really a group hug if there's only two people.


	226. Chapter 226

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Be prepared

I am coming for you. The crystal will be mine.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Don't make me laugh

Cosmos doesn't care about you, petty Warrior.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** You know

I grow weary of your incessant lack of name-calling.


	227. Chapter 227

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart, Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Hey there

I heard you guys were in the neighborhood. Wanna come join up with the rest of us?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**cc:** Bartz Klauser, Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Sure!

We'll be right over.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Psst

Is Cloud with you?


	228. Chapter 228

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Terra

It's freaky. It was like she knew everything about me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Terra

Maybe she was just teasing you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Re: Terra

I didn't realize how much I'd forgotten though. I knew some of it, but the last few years were just sort of blurry, you know? In bits and pieces. I mean, I have a _princess_. She's the most amazing thing to happen in my life, and somehow I forgot her.

But since I got the crystal, it's all started coming back. And now I just feel guilty.

Is that how it is with you? Your dream of a world filled with flowers… Was that all you could remember of your own world? Was there anything else you remembered after you got your crystal?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Maybe

I think I always remembered my family, and our fight against the empire. But now that I think about it, I kind of forget how it all turned out. I'm not even sure that we won.

And… There was a princess. She was sad about something, but… I can't remember what. It's probably not important though.

Maybe you should talk to Cloud about this? He's pretty savvy when it comes to amnesia.


	229. Chapter 229

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** It is finished

I have received my crystal. Our mission is complete. I will meet with you all atop the old Chaos shrine.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** At last

The crystal is mine. I have long awaited the day when I may join with you, my goddess. I hurry now to your side, eager to claim the reward you have promised me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Re: At last

Um, yeah, about that…


	230. Chapter 230

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Farewell

This is my final message to you. You have all fought bravely, but our time together is at an end. Thank you, my warriors, for all that you have done for me, and never give up.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** The end

You may have won the battle, but you have lost the war.

That's what you get for cheating on me.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** Re: The end

YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF, YOU KNOW. I ONLY KILLED YOU BECAUSE I LOVED YOU SO MUCH. MAYBE NOW YOU'LL SEE HOW MUCH I TRULY CARE.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** BABY?

ARE YOU STILL THERE?


	231. Chapter 231

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Hey

Can we talk? I've been having second thoughts about this whole "being evil" thing.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Are we there yet?

So what now? Can we kill 'em all yet?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Wait

Not yet.

But. The Plan requires you to confront them. Alone.

Yes, you go and confront them alone.

Signed, Mateus, Emperor of Palamecia


	232. Chapter 232

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Frightening

Are you all right? I was so worried when everyone started disappearing like that!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** It's okay

If you get scared, Terra, you can hold my hand.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Don't worry

I'm right here if you need me, Terra.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife, Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thanks

You two are so sweet!

Do you think Firion's okay?


	233. Chapter 233

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Are you there?

I know this is but a test of our devotion. I will find you, my goddess, and we will be united in joyous harmony!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** The Void

Your Void intrigues me. Do you have any literature I could look at?


	234. Chapter 234

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kefka Palazzo

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Notice of Termination of Employment

Dear sir or madam,

I regret to inform you that your services will no longer be required. I thank you for all your hard work and dedication, and wish you luck in all your future endeavors.

Sincerely, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Re: Notice of Termination of Employment

Do I at least get a letter of recommendation?


	235. Chapter 235

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Kefka's demise

Well, the clown will be out of our way soon enough.

That's what he gets for telling people I sneak into the girls' bathroom to bleach my hair.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Kefka's demise

That seems a bit harsh, don't you think?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Re: Kefka's demise

Please. He's getting off easy.

Anyway, I'll talk to you later. I have a meeting with Jecht.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Oh dear

You're not going to try to put him in his place too, are you?

Because I'd like to watch that.


	236. Chapter 236

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Tension

It is getting way too tense around here. How are we supposed to keep an upbeat attitude when everything's just so depressing ?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Hey Bartz

What did the curious chocobo say to his teacher?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Hey Bartz

I dunno. What?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Re: Hey Bartz

"Can I ask a kwehstion?"


	237. Chapter 237

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** The Void

Has the pamphlet we provided piqued your interest in the Void any further?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: The Void

It all sounds very interesting, but I'm not sure the Void is for me.

I think I'll stick with my original goal, and gain immortality by stopping time.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Ah yes

We once knew a man with a similar plan.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Oh?

How did that work out for him?


	238. Chapter 238

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Kefka Palazzo

**Re:** Finally dying

Why try so hard to keep living? In the end, nothing truly matters…

It was getting boring anyway.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** What is so funny?

Why are you two laughing so hard? This is serious! Let the jokes die with the clown.

Don't make me separate you two.


	239. Chapter 239

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Sorry

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For whatever I did to hurt you. For everything, really. I wish it didn't have to end like this, but I'm glad I met you. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Re: Sorry

"Sorry"? You used me, Jecht. "Sorry" isn't going to cut it.

And why now? Did the Emperor finally decide to get you back for fooling around with Ultimecia? Are you trying to ease your conscience before your inevitable demise?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** Just wanted to say

It's not the Emperor. I just finally realized what I'm supposed to do. And I wanted to set things right between us before I go.

I never meant to hurt you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Too late

Well, you did. And saying "sorry" won't change that. There is nothing you could possibly say to make me forgive you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** For what it's worth

It's okay. I just wanted to say it. And since I'll probably never get another chance…

I love you.


	240. Chapter 240

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** My turn

What do you get when you cross a chocobo and a frog?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: My turn.

Oh, I know this one. A croakobo.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re: **Re: Re: My turn

You're supposed to let _me_ give the answer!


	241. Chapter 241

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Enough already

What are you and Bartz laughing about? We're not exactly on vacation here.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: Enough already

We're telling jokes! Tell us one of yours!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** A joke?

Oh. Um. Okay.

Why did the GF cross the road?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Dunno

Why?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser, Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Re: Dunno

I don't know, I can't remember.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**cc:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** So

Well, if you can't remember, why did you tell it?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**cc:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: So

No, that's the punchline.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Lame punchline

I don't get it.


	242. Chapter 242

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Jecht

**Re:** My dying words

Make it right. And don't do anything I would do.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud of Darkness

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** It is time

Now is the time to confront the warriors of Cosmos. Will you stand with me and welcome them into the Void?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Exdeath

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** Re: It is time

We would gladly join you in this final stage of our plan, but unfortunately we have more pressing matters to attend to. One of our snakes has taken ill, you see.

But please send our warmest regards to the Onion Knight, and remind him that we find nothing pleasing in his shape, and would never wish to hug him and squeeze him and bestow cute pet names upon him.

Hmm, that's odd; now the other snake has fallen ill.


	243. Chapter 243

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** This has to stop

Now is not the time for jokes! This is a serious situation that we are in. People are _dying_!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I've got one

What did the tonberry say to his ex-wife?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: I've got one

I'm really not in the mood right now. I kind of just killed my dad, if you hadn't noticed.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Trust me, it'll make you feel better

What did the tonberry say to his ex-wife?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Fine

What?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Fine

"DOINK."

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** …

Thanks. That really cheered me up. I'll be sure to tell it at my father's _eulogy._

…Although come to think of it, he would have liked that one.


	244. Chapter 244

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** I have embraced the stillness of death

MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Exdeath

**Re:** A parting gift before I go

You are most pleasantly adorable.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** I'm in the mood

I need to see you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: I'm in the mood

Can it wait? I have some gloating time scheduled with the Cosmos warriors.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All


	245. Chapter 245

**MEMO  
><strong>

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Hope

We know what you did for us, goddess. How you sacrificed your light to guide us to our victory. This was your plan all along, wasn't it? I know not if you can hear me, but know this: we will not fail you.

I have not yet lost hope that I may see you again, my goddess. I am ever your faithful servant.

…

**MEMO  
><strong>

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** What the hell?

You can't just say something like that and then disappear on me! How _dare_ you? What gives you the right to leave me? When did I ever say I could get by without you?

ANSWER ME!


	246. Chapter 246

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Best one yet

Did you hear the one about the Black Mage who cast Mini on his penis?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: Best one yet

No…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Drumroll please

He turned into a White Mage.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Dude, not cool

I've _been_ a White Mage.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Dude, not cool

I've got a spare mallet lying around, if you need some help with that.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** White Mages

Hey! Give me back my hammer!


	247. Chapter 247

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** Let us end this farce

There's no point in trying to survive in a world like this. Come to me, my friends! You need not fear the loneliness of death.

In the end, we're all alone.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Kuja

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Hey Kuja

Do you need a hug?


	248. Chapter 248

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Urgent

I can't wait any longer. Take me _now_.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Re: Urgent

Honestly, woman, can I not have five minutes to myself to bask in the gloriousness of my plan? It will soon come to fruition, and I don't really have time for your hysterics. In any case, I have an appointment with Golbez scheduled, so it will have to wait until after that.

You're not usually this fired up. Have you been spying on Squall all day?

Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Creeped out

You ever get the feeling like someone's been watching you?


	249. Chapter 249

**FINAL MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Jecht

**FROM:** Kuja

**Re:** A stunning encore

I wish I could have lived, really lived. The way you did. That's the one thing I think you always tried to give me.

Dying only means I have nothing else to lose.


	250. Chapter 250

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Be prepared

Let us all be prepared. Our enemies will show us no quarter.

Which means _no_ _more_ _jokes_!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Lemme try

My best friend back home loved this one:

What's the difference between a SOLDIER and an ordinary person?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Hmm

I don't know. What?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**cc:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**Re:** Re: Hmm

It only takes one bullet to kill a person.


	251. Chapter 251

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Golbez

I wish to report a spy among our ranks. I have definitive proof that Golbez has been working to undermine our cause for quite some time. See that he is dealt with, to the harshest extent possible.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme Ruler of All

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** My lord…

I grow concerned, my lord. You have not been yourself lately. And you've done nothing to maintain order in the ranks.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** Re: My lord…

HONESTLY, MY HEART JUST ISN'T IN IT ANY MORE. COSMOS IS GONE. WHAT'S THE POINT OF IT ALL? MAYBE KUJA HAD THE RIGHT IDEA.

I NEED ICE CREAM.


	252. Chapter 252

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** To the Void

My defeat means nothing. We will meet again in the endless Void. It is inevitable.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cloud of Darkness

**Re:** P.S.

(We think you're really cute!) XOXO

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Are you okay?

You look a little green.


	253. Chapter 253

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Your point?

Was there a reason you dragged me out here? I do not want to know about your and Chaos's love life.

There are some things man was not meant to know.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: Your point?

When I said, "He and I are one," I meant that literally.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Too Much Information

That is really more information than I require. I feel _unclean_ knowing that. So unclean that there can be only one path left to me now.

Well played, sir. Well played.


	254. Chapter 254

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** So

Do you have a girlfriend, back home?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: So

Ha, the only girls interested in me are the monsters.

Don't tell Tidus I said that, by the way.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: Re: So

Well, I'm not a monster, and _I_ think you're very interesting.

I don't have a boyfriend, in case you were wondering.


	255. Chapter 255

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey, Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I just realized

Guys, I think Terra's been flirting with me!

What do I do?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Terra and Firion

Don't worry, I'll handle this.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** You and Terra

Way to go, Firion!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: You and Terra

Thanks! I didn't know I had it in me. I just wish I knew what to say to her now.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Firion

He's gay. Stop wasting everyone's time.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife, Onion Knight

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** What is wrong with you?

What did you two idiots do to make Terra run off crying like that? Now it's up to _me_ to comfort her.


	256. Chapter 256

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Golbez

**Re:** Forget me, brother

I leave because I am unworthy to fight by your side. Your friends are lucky to have you; trouble yourself no more with thoughts of me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Golbez

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Brother

I cannot forget you. There is good inside you. And perhaps someday you will see yourself the way I see you, as the best of them.

May we meet again, brother.


	257. Chapter 257

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Hey Squall

What Cloud said a minute ago… I believe it. I want to believe it's true.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** You know what

I've been a believer for a while now.

I remembered this promise I made… There's someone waiting for me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Re: You know what

…Wanna tell me more?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** No

…No. This's a secret between you and me. Got that?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** But

If you were curious, I remembered that I have a _girlfriend_.

So I'm completely heterosexual.

Not that there was any doubt. But if there was, you can go ahead and tell everyone.

Just don't tell Bartz. Or anyone he might talk to.

So, don't tell anyone at all.


	258. Chapter 258

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** That's it

We are through. For good this time.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: That's it

Who did I allegedly do now?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Oh ho

During our latest tryst, I saw a very interesting tattoo on your, um. Your…

I saw a tattoo.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Tattoo?

I have quite a lot of those, if you hadn't noticed.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** That is not the point

The point is what the tattoo _said._

Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Go on

And that was…?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** …

"Lone Wolf was here."

Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything


	259. Chapter 259

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Lone Wolf

That was years ago!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Really

THE TATTOO IS BRAND NEW!

Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Re: Really

Because I only recently got around to adding it. You're such an animal, my love, I was just so moved by your sheer wolf-like endurance, and your howls of delight, and the way you stalk your prey alone, eschewing the safety of the pack and preferring the thrill of the hunt. I _had_ to get the tattoo; it was the only way to always be reminded of you, even when we are apart.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Ultimecia

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Hnnnng

Well, I suppose I _am_ rather beastly…

Fine. You're off the hook._ For now_.

Signed, Mateus, Supreme God of Everything


	260. Chapter 260

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Don't do it

I'm telling you, it's a bad idea. Nothing good will come of it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** I've got to

This might be my last chance. I've made up my mind; I'm doing it. I just gotta wait for the right moment, and then BAM. Cloud won't know what hit her.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Re: I've got to

Well, I can guarantee you _someone's_ going to get hit.


	261. Chapter 261

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** The so-called Emperor

The Emperor seems to think _he's_ the one in charge around here. I, on the other hand, find his attitude to be bad for morale. Since we lack any sort of human resources department, it falls to _you_ to deal with him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** The Emperor

I think perhaps you should speak with the Emperor. He seeks to overthrow our plan and claim the spoils for himself. And that can't be good for morale.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** Re: The Emperor

LET HIM. IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME ANYMORE. WHAT'S THE POINT, IF COSMOS ISN'T HERE TO SHARE IT?

IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH, YOU TAKE CARE OF IT. OR JUST LET THOSE IDIOTS COSMOS HIRED DO IT, THEY'RE GOOD AT DESTROYING EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER LOVED OR WANTED OUT OF LIFE.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** The Emperor

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Congratulations!

It has come to my attention that you have put the most effort into achieving our team goal of conquering the universe. Well done! Our lord and master Chaos has nominated you as MVP, and has given you the great honor of dispatching of the last remnants of Cosmos's army single-handedly. Please fight them at your earliest convenience.

Congratulations, Garland, Knight of Cornelia


	262. Chapter 262

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Are you okay?

You've been acting kind of sad lately, Warrior of Light.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Re: Are you okay?

I am fine, thank you.

But I had a name once. I would have gladly shared it, if anyone had thought to ask. Except I seem to have forgotten it. And no one has asked. Or been any help whatsoever in devising a new one.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** I understand completely

I don't like using my name either! Having a title is just so much cooler, don't you think?


	263. Chapter 263

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** The Emperor

**Re:** Ungaahhhh!

This is not the last you'll hear from me!

Signed, Mateus, Supreme Being

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Alone at last

Cosmos is gone, and Chaos will soon follow. And then the only two left will be you and I, eternal and forever. Not even death will part us, Squall.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**bcc:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Announcement

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, and am not even remotely interested in anyone else. In fact, the thought of being with any person who is not MY GIRLFRIEND makes me physically ill.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Denial

You're laying it on a little thick there, Squall.


	264. Chapter 264

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** All you've left behind

I am falling victim to despair, my goddess. It grows harder and harder to continue on. But my devotion to you sustains me. I think only of what you would have wished for us, what might have been if only this world could have contained your light.

I know now that you are gone. I vow to honor and protect what you have left behind, to create the world you dreamed of. It is the last hope I have.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** How about…

Did you hear the one about the cactuar who wanted to be a chocobo racer?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: How about…

Yes, I've heard it. And you'd better not sing it. If you start singing, the Warrior of Light may stab someone.

Actually, maybe you'd better sing it after all. Might cheer him up a bit.


	265. Chapter 265

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Ultimecia

**Re:** Not yet

I can never let go. I will hold on with all I have.

Even if that means unraveling time itself.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** GARLAND!

I HAD A BAD DREAM. COULD YOU COME OVER?


	266. Chapter 266

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Barbariccia

Was that Summonstone flirting with you?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Barbariccia

Not every lady monster wants to flirt with me, Cecil.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: Re: Barbariccia

Only most of them.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Just lay off

Can you just drop it, please?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**cc:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** No

We all saw it, Firion. Everyone did.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**cc:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Everyone?

Everyone saw? Even Terra?

Do you think maybe that's why she's been so upset with me lately? Every time I try to talk to her she runs away. Maybe it's because she thinks I really _am_ a monster magnet, and that I've been deliberately flirting with all those monster girls!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**cc:** Tidus

**Re:** Terra

Well, I _do_ think she's jealous, but probably not in the way you think.


	267. Chapter 267

**FINAL MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Sephiroth

**Re:** I will never be a memory

And you're still a puppet.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** WHOA

YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND. THIS WHOLE BACKSTORY OF YOURS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN.

THE TIME TRAVEL PLOT JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!


	268. Chapter 268

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Congrats

Just wanted to say it again, nice job on defeating Sephiroth!

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Uhhh

Not that I'm not grateful, but was the kiss really necessary?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Sure

It was just an expression of my feelings. It's normal where I come from.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** …

Yeah, in my world we don't usually go kissing other guys just to congratulate them.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Back up a second

Are you saying that you are actually really truly, in no way joking, a _guy_?


	269. Chapter 269

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** The truth

I know it is too late to say it, but still, I must put these words somewhere:

I love you, Cosmos.

I have longed for you, and I would have done anything to be with you. I still would, even now, when I know that you and I will never be together no matter how hard I fight. But you should know that I would trade it all for one more day with you, for a chance to see your face and hear you say the words I have been waiting for all my life: "I love you."

And I think…

But writing it down has made me realize something. You see, I have forgotten my own _name_, it has been so long since anyone has spoken it. Once, I dreamed of hearing it pass your lips, but now… I gave everything to you, Cosmos, even my name, and though I do not regret it, it still hurts, because now I see that even with all you've left behind, with all you've tried to do for us, you never had anything, not one single thing, that you gave to _me_. I traded away every part of myself and received nothing in return.

So I thank you, Cosmos, for showing me the bitter truth of this world. I will not be fool for love again.

Goodbye.


	270. Chapter 270

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal, Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** So embarrassed

You were right, guys. I should have listened to you, and I shouldn't have kissed him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** Cheer up

At least he thought you were joking.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Haha

Yeah, I guess that's true. And now I'll have a funny story to tell my friends when I get back!


	271. Chapter 271

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion, Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Warrior of Light

I'm thinking about staging an intervention, guys. The Warrior of Light has been looking pretty down lately, and I'm afraid he's gonna try something if we don't stop him.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** I'll help

I don't think I want to miss this.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: I'll help

Thanks. I'll go see if anyone else wants to help. Can't have our Warrior of Light moping around all the time, right?

…You think maybe we should come up with a name for him?


	272. Chapter 272

**MEMO  
><strong>

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** So

I heard Bartz kissed you.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Squall Leonhart

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** So?

Yeah, it's no big deal. I guess he thought he was being funny or something.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** Whatever

Not that I care, because I have a girlfriend, but…

What was it like?


	273. Chapter 273

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** DON'T GO

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE LEFT. I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Re: DON'T GO

I will be fine, my lord. And so will you. Remember, this is all part of the plan.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** BUT

BUT IF THEY KILL YOU, WON'T THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING? SHOULD I BE WORRIED?

MAYBE YOU COULD EXPLAIN IT AGAIN. I'M REALLY NOT UNDERSTANDING THIS MASTER PLAN OF YOURS. OURS. MINE. YOU SEE?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Chaos

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** Don't worry

Believe in yourself.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** Re: Don't worry

OH, _REAL_ CLEVER.


	274. Chapter 274

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Thank you

I truly appreciate what you said to me back there. I have been having a difficult time, and your intervention was indeed a great help.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Warrior of Light

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** No worries

And if you need any advice on the naming situation, I always thought "Tidus" had a nice ring to it…

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** That reminds me

I've been meaning to tell you. You're pronouncing it wrong.


	275. Chapter 275

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Garland

**Re:** My death is part of the plan

Suckers.

…

**MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Garland

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** TRAITOR

YOU LIED TO ME. WHAT, I'M SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE WORLD SO YOU CAN FLY OFF AND START YOUR OWN? WELL, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! I WILL DESTROY THE WORLD SO HARD YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BREAK FREE!

NO ONE WILL LEAVE ME! WE'LL BE TOGETHER IN ENDLESS CHAOS FOREVER!


	276. Chapter 276

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Sorry

I'm sorry about the way I acted before. I guess I just had some unrealistic expectations about you, but I've come to realize they were wrong; I'm not a monster.

I'm really sorry, Firion.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Sorry

I'd still like to try. I don't want to be this way forever.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** You don't have to be ashamed

It's not your fault, Firion. You were just born that way.

I hope we can still be friends.


	277. Chapter 277

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** Truce

We can't protect her if we're always fighting with each other.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Re: Truce

Fine. We'll let her decide.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight, Cloud Strife

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thank you

I just wanted to thank you both for all you've done for me. I couldn't have done this without you!

And an especial thanks to you, my Onion Knight. You were there with me from the beginning. I can't thank you enough. And lately I've come to realize just how important you are to me.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** Forget it

Deal's off. Stay away from her!


	278. Chapter 278

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** No really, I don't get it

So you just sit on a chocobo and let it dig around?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** What's so hard to understand?

Well, yeah, but there's a time limit.

And it's not any crazier than your thing. How do you hold your breath that long? Are you part fish? Do you have gills or something?

Can I see them?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** It's not that hard

I don't have gills, it's just training! And you're one to talk. What's with the tail, anyway?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** It's just a tail, okay?

I'm actually a created being who was ripped away from my homeworld by a villain intent on destroying it.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Zidane Tribal

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Yeah, and?

Well, so am I, but _I _don't have a tail.


	279. Chapter 279

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** You okay?

You haven't really said much of anything since that whole Golbez incident.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Re: You okay?

I'm fine, I can handle myself, and I don't need your pity. Maybe you should spend more time goofing off and making out with your teammates, and less time worrying about me.


	280. Chapter 280

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** It's just

Why is everyone so _stupid_?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Re: It's just

I dunno.

Do you wanna see my talking rock?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Why not?

I suppose it couldn't be any dumber than the talking people.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** I'm not so sure about that

Have you held it? It's pretty dense.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** I'm shocked

That was almost clever, actually.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cecil Harvey

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Hey

I act like an idiot. That doesn't mean I am one.

(Don't tell anyone, okay?)

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Bartz Klauser

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Ha ha ha

I don't think they'd believe me if I did.


	281. Chapter 281

**MEMO**

**TO:** Terra Branford

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** The truth

Terra, there's something I've been meaning to say to you for a long time now. But it needs to be said in person. Alone, without anyone else around, because it's important that you're the only one to hear it. Can you get away from Cloud for a bit and come see me?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Onion Knight

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Re: The truth

Of course. I'll be right there.

There's actually something I kind of wanted to say to you too.


	282. Chapter 282

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Dreams

Cloud told me, you know. About your dream. It's really nice.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Tidus

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** Re: Dreams

It feels kind of silly to say it now, after all that we've been through.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Firion

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Re: Re: Dreams

It's not. Dreams can become real, remember? So don't give up on me. On it. Don't give up on your dreams.

We'll find them together, okay?


	283. Chapter 283

**MEMO**

**TO:** All Warriors of Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** Enough

…There is nothing more to say.

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** ENOUGH

LET US END THIS.


	284. Chapter 284

**FINAL MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Chaos

**Re:** I AM COMING TO JOIN YOU, MY LOVE

COSMOS… NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND.

IT WAS MY _HEART._

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Tidus

**Re:** Goodbye

I don't know if this message will reach you guys, but… Thanks.

And Firion? It is too a real sport. And I'm _awesome_ at it.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Zidane Tribal

**Re:** So long

If anyone gets this, don't forget me! Bartz, that goes double for you!

And seriously, guys, it's just a tail! Why does everyone keep pointing it out?

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Squall Leonhart

**Re:** One last thing

You guys weren't half bad.

I'm still not gay though.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Cloud Strife

**Re:** I mean this in a good way

I hope I never have to see any of you ever again.


	285. Chapter 285

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Terra Branford

**Re:** Thank you

I'll never forget you all!

And to my Onion Knight: You were the best friend I could have asked for. I hope… I hope I can find you again someday, so we can continue where we left off.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Bartz Klauser

**Re:** Gotta go

And guys? Don't forget to have fun.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Cecil Harvey

**Re:** Farewell

I will always treasure the memories of our truest friendship.

And Brother, if this reaches you… I'll be waiting. As long as you need me to.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Onion Knight

**Re:** For Terra

I couldn't have done it without you. And because I can never say it enough:

I love you. I always have, and I always will. So this isn't goodbye. Because I'll find you again. I promise.

…

**FINAL MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Firion

**Re:** I don't want to go

We still have so much more to do.

My dream became real, in the end. So Tidus, whatever it was that you kept hinting at, shut up. At least my dreams and my sports aren't make-believe.


	286. Chapter 286

**MEMO**

**TO:** All

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** …

Can anyone hear me?

…

**FINAL MEMO**

xxx MESSAGE FAILED TO SEND xxx

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Warrior of Light

**Re:** …

Everyone is gone. I'm the only one left. I don't know if they made it back to their worlds. I don't even know what to do anymore. It's going to be hard, without them.

I'll keep looking. I'll find my name.

Maybe I'll even find you.


	287. Epilogue

**MEMO  
><strong>

**TO:** Cosmos

**FROM:** Cid of the Lufaine

**Re:** Well

So now what? You've won your great battle, Chaos is dead, your convenient little harem has gone home, and the only ones left are you and I. So tell me: was it worth it, in the end? All the destruction, the amnesia, the betrayal and loss? Did ridding the world of Chaos satisfy you? And what will you do, now that the final fantasy is at an end?

…

**MEMO**

**TO:** Cid of the Lufaine

**FROM:** Cosmos

**Re:** Hey Cid

…You wanna have some fun?

* * *

><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE &amp; THANKS:<strong>

**This story took a ridiculously long time to write. It doesn't help that I wasted an inordinate amount of time trying to tell it diary-style. (Don't ask. It was really bad.) Suffice to say, if I had never discovered Dr. Dredd's delightful Stargate Atlantis fanfic "Memoranda From the Edge," I would never have realized the proper way to tell "Didn't You Get the Memo?" Massive amounts of credit go to Dr. Dredd, who unknowingly inspired the very nature of this story.**

**I'd also like to mention my friends (and my sister too), who patiently tolerated me while I was writing, and suffered through many, many bad jokes in my attempts to polish this to perfection. An especial thanks goes to Johwee, who took time out of her busy watermelon-carving schedule to serve as a last-minute pacing advisor and suggest it ****just ****might be a little bit funnier if the Emperor had some sort of ever-lengthening signature.**

**And finally, thank you so much to all those who read and reviewed this, especially the anonymous person who provided the first review; as I am an incredibly paranoid person, hearing that even one stranger likes something I write comes as an enormous relief.**

**Thank you for reading, everyone!**


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